Category Archives: Family

Finally Home

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At around midnight on June 1st, 2013 my Aunt took her last breath and flew away to Heaven.

“Just think of stepping on shore – And finding it Heaven!

Of touching a hand – And finding it God’s!

Of breathing new air- And finding it celestial!

Of waking up in glory- And finding it Home!”

It’s hard to find the words to express what it feels like to sit with someone who is dying. During the days of May 25th-June 2nd my Aunt’s family tried to have someone with Aunt Marge around the clock. We all took turns spending time with her, sitting with her, just being with her.

Aunt Marge in Nursing School
Aunt Marge in Her Brother’s Wedding

It was an odd feeling. We were not sitting with her helping her fight for her life. We were not holding her hand and hoping that she would recover and go on living. We didn’t have the hope that she would get better.  Instead, we were sitting by her bedside knowing that the end was drawing near.  How do we sit by the side of a loved one that has no hope to get better. No hope to pull through. No hope to improve. No Hope for this life. But Hope. HOPE. Miraculous Hope. Hope in Salvation. Hope in Eternity. Hope in a new Home. Hope in a new life. Hope in Jesus Christ.  Hope that “one day in His courts is better than thousand’s elsewhere” (Psalm 84:10). Hope that “precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of one of his saints”(Psalm 116:15). Hope that “He prepares a place for us and when it is ready He will call us home,”  (John 14) And although we mourned this last week and will mourn in the weeks to come, we mourn with hope!

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible

When I think back to the last several days with Aunt Marge and wonder how her husband, her daughter, her sister, and brother-in-law, her nieces and nephews were able to endure her approaching death, I will remember that it was because of our hope and faith in Jesus Christ and eternity. When we took our turns to be with Marge, she was unable to communicate, so we simply held her hand, told her we loved her, prayed for her, cried for her, read scripture to her, played hymns for her.  We sat in the presence of our Savior, her Savior. Sometimes, we wondered why He wasn’t calling her home when, to us, it looked obvious that she needed to go. Doctors and nurses would tell us what they thought, maybe days, maybe hours, 72 hours, 48 hours, maybe weeks. And we would wonder. And we would tell her “to go home.” But then,  we would realize no one knows! Only God. And her life is in His hands, and only when each and every detail is in place and her job on earth is done He would take her home. And while her job on earth ended last night and God called her home, her testimony, her hope, her faith, her love for Jesus Christ will go on. Her legacy of faith will continue to reach generation after generation.

This week, I had the privilege of seeing a living example of 1 Corinthians 13:13, “now faith, hope, and love remain – these three things.”  Our faith in Jesus, our hope in eternity, and our love in Jesus Christ and for our family. These things remain.

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible – Her Favorite Verse

Update on my Aunt – I’ll Fly Away

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Each day seems to get harder and harder. Yesterday seemed to be especially hard. I spent most of the day at the hospital, with my Uncle Gus, his daughter, Anne, and her husband Brad, my mom and dad, and my sister.

Aunt Marge’s breathing seems to have changed, it has become shallow and labored. Her color has also changed. At four o’clock yesterday she was moved from the hospital back to her old room at the nursing home. Her room at the home is very comfortable and it has an extra bed. Anne (and maybe Gus) stayed with her through the night last night.

When we were with her yesterday her breathing seemed to be even more labored and by the evening she was running a fever of 102.5 and her pulse was also very fast.

My daughter Leah wanted to go with me to the nursing home last night so she could say goodbye to Aunt Marge. Leah and my other daughter, Rachael,  have been very faithful in praying for Aunt Marge and visiting her.

So, last night we played music for her. She is a very gifted piano player. (In fact, even with the disease of Alzheimer’s, we could sit her down at the piano, name any hymn and she could play it. One time, Leah, Rachael, and I brought an old hymnal to the nursing home because we were having trouble coming up with different songs for her to play. We could pick any song from the hymnal and she would know it without looking at the music or the words.)

Last night, we held her hand, we prayed with her, and we told her she could “go home.”  Many people are waiting for her in heaven, her mom and dad, her brother Jim, and his wife, Grace, but most importantly Jesus.

On the way home from the nursing home, Leah looked at me through tears and said, “Mom, even though I don’t know Aunt Marge very well I still love her so much. She has taught me that even through troubled times I can still trust Jesus.”

Thank you Aunt Marge.  Even through your sickness and pain, your light for Jesus still shines through to my daughters and me.

It was hard to leave the home last night and I’m anxious to get back there this morning.

I’ll Fly Away

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I was hoping to race during the Memorial day weekend. I was debating about driving to Portage, Indiana and running a 12k trail race or testing my speed and doing a small neighborhood 5k in Villa Park. I had eventually decided on the 12k and was really excited. As many of you know, I’ve been injured and unable to race for a few months. I thought the trail race would be a good opportunity to introduce my legs to racing again without the pressure of the clock. The first race back is always the hardest (and sometimes the most humbling) so I figured the 12k would be an easier way to shock my body into the reality of racing.

I woke up Monday morning and I really wasn’t in racing mode. The thought did cross my mind that maybe it wasn’t a smart idea because my foot isn’t 100% healed and I am just getting over a pretty bad respiratory infection. Despite these things I know I still could have raced, but I didn’t want to, not on Saturday, or Sunday, or even yesterday. Over the weekend, more immediate issues far out-weighed running. Don’t get me wrong, obviously running is a big part of my life and I love training and racing. But, as of last Friday, May 24th, my heart and mind have been with my Aunt.

Not just any Aunt, but one of my favorite Aunts. My Aunt Marge. She has been in my life for as long as I can remember. She has faithfully prayed for me and my family over the years. She has shown me what a life lived for Christ resembles. She doesn’t just talk about her faith but she lives her faith. My Aunt, who still remembers the name of Jesus, but no longer remembers my name, or who I am, or how we are related. My aunt who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

My Aunt, who, while living at the nursing home, lost her balance and fell on four occasions. The fourth fall being extremely bad. She was not very responsive last Thursday and Friday while my mom and I, along with her husband, visited her. She was taken to the emergency room Friday morning, where we learned that both sides of her brain were bleeding and it was not in her best interest to under-go surgery.

At least for me, reality didn’t sink in until Saturday. I went back to the hospital to visit her and the realization struck that she would never walk again, or talk again, or enjoy food, or be able to refresh her thirst. She would never get out of bed again.

She was put under hospice care, and the goal of hospice is not to prolong her life in the most comfortable of ways, but rather keep her comfortable until her time on earth is over.

Sunday night the Doctor said she has approximately 4-5 days left. But yet, they don’t really know. And although we mourn, we “mourn with hope.”  (1 Thess. 4:13-18) We know and believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is awaiting her home in heaven. She is going “home on God’s celestial shores, like a bird from prison bars has flown, she’ll fly away, just a few more weary days, and then she’ll fly away.” Home, free, restored, renewed. Home.

I know that it’s not my time to fly away from life’s pain and struggles, but I can run. And it’s in these moments of life that I like to run in solitude and in silence. It’s on these runs, where I don’t focus on running, but I focus on my thoughts, my emotions, my sadness, my anger, my joy, my confusion, and I ask questions and sometimes I find answers and sometimes I don’t. But somehow, pounding the pavement during these times, allows my mind to focus on Christ and meet with Him and life’s problems become a little easier to face.

I’ve run every day since Friday. I know that’s not a big deal. But yet, on every single one of these runs I have thought of my beloved Aunt Marge wasting away in her hospital bed, unable to move and unable to communicate and I pray that I won’t take the simple pleasure of running and a healthy body and a sound mind for granted.

And soon, my Aunt on “some glad morning, when her life is over, she’ll fly away, to a land where joy shall never end. She’ll fly away.”

Memorial Day – This is a Soldier

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In honor of our Military and all the sacrifices they have made and continue to make I wanted to share the following statistics that were printed in Community Fellowship’s Bulletin, Sunday May 26th, as well as the video they played at the end of the Church Service.

“Did you know…?

– There are over 425,000 veterans in the greater Chicago area alone and over 2 million people in Illinois who are members of a military family

– Over 300,000 vets suffer from PTSD and many of them do not seek treatment

– About 67,000 vets will be homeless tonight and twice that many will experience homelessness at some point this year

– The unemployment rate of veterans is significantly higher than the national average

– A veteran takes his/her life every 80 minutes”

I hope that as a Church we will never stop praying for our veterans and soldiers. May we always remember to honor the sacrifices that they have made and continue to make to keep our country free. May we also never forget the adversities and afflictions that many of them encounter. And may we always be forever thankful…

“THIS IS A SOLDIER”

This is a Soldier

Beautiful Chaos

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This picture can serve as a good representation of my life as a mother. Chaos!

DSCN0183

I’m not even sure who took the picture. Maybe the store manager to warn his employees not to let us back into the store.

My oldest child, Tommy, is obviously mad at something. Rachael is out of control flying her cart into who knows what and in the process taking out whatever is in her path. Leah looks like she’s trying to be on her best behavior, and then Steven is MIA. Chaos. Not at all what I pictured our quick stop at the grocery store to look like!

When we walked into the store the girls asked if they could have a cart. In my head I had the image of a nice, calm, shopping adventure in which they wanted to help out. How cute! In the end I’m very surprised we didn’t hear an announcement on the loud speaker asking us to leave the store.

This photograph can also help to sum up my days of Motherhood.

broken table

My kids and I were sitting down enjoying a wonderful breakfast together, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, the table collapsed, fell apart, and that was the end of breakfast.

I’ve made plans. I’ve had dreams. I’ve had visions of how my life as a mother would play out. Only to realize that sometimes, no matter how hard I try, life can get very chaotic, and the best of schedules can give way, crumble, and leave me wondering if I’m really doing things right!

I’ve missed appointments, even though I have them written down on the calendar AND in my phone. I’ve forgotten about early dismissal days at school. I’ve locked my keys in the car way too many times to count. In fact, the last time I did that, the guy arrived to help me out and I realized it was the same guy from the time before. After a few minutes he did a double take and said, “Hey! Didn’t I help you out about two weeks ago on the opposite side of the street?” I was hoping he wouldn’t remember me!

I’ve closed the door to the house only to realize I just locked everybody out. I’ve sent my oldest to school with a brown paper bag full of onions instead of a brown paper bag full of lunch (I’ll explain that in another post!) I’ve run over bicycles left in the driveway. I’ve gotten lost on my way to gymnastic meets and basketball games more times then I’d like to admit. The list could go on and on. But, needless to say, I don’t have it all together! I’m always rushing from one place to the next wondering how I’m going to get it all done. I’m constantly trying to make sure Tommy, Steven, Leah, and Rachael have what they need and get to where they need to go. My house is always loud with children talking, yelling, laughing, fighting. And if that isn’t enough there’s always friends, nieces, nephews, and babies that need care.

babies crying

Chaos! But, I’m learning to love it. Because one day I know the Chaos will turn to quiet . There won’t be clothes on the floor, hand prints on the walls, dishes piled in the sink, homework to finish, and lunches to be made. The house will be too quiet and too clean and I’ll be left wondering, “how did they grow up so fast?”

So in the time being, in the chaos, I smile, I embrace it, I thank God for it. I look for the magnificent in the mess and the splendor in the silliness.

And it’s in the morning, when I walk into my child’s room to wake her up, that I find her artwork,

photo (6)

And for the moment, the mistakes I’ve made and will make as a mother vanish, and I get that small glimmer of hope that I just might be doing things right. And I thank Christ for the privilege of being a mother and I realize that He truly can “make the chaos a chorus.”

No Fear

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Hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, bombings, bomb threats, school shootings, shootings at work, shooting at the theater, shootings anywhere, anyplace, cancer, disease, suicide, death, the unknown…

 It would be easy to retreat and live in fear, overwhelming,  paralyzing, immobilizing fear.

But I am reminded that there are over 300 scripture verses that have to do with fear. I think of the words in;

Psalm 90 – “He will cover you with feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  DO NOT BE AFRAID  of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.”

 Isaiah 41:10 –  “DO NOT FEAR, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

John 14:27 –  “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give, SO DO NOT BE TROUBLED OR AFRAID.”

2 Timothy 1:7 –  “I HAVE NOT GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF FEAR or timidity but of power, love and self-discipline.”

Joshua 1:9 – “This is my command – be strong and courageous! DO NOT BE AFRAID or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

And one of my favorites,  

2 Kings 6 – “DO NOT BE AFRAID”, the prophet answered, “those who are with us are more than who are with them”…In the next instant the servant saw that the hills surrounding the city were full of horses – and these weren’t the enemy’s horses. They were surrounded by chariots of fire. God’s army of angels was all around, protecting Elisha and the servant.”

Chris Tomlin writes,

“You hear me when I call , You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night, It cannot hide the light.

WHOM SHALL I FEAR?

You crush the enemy, Underneath my feet

You are my Sword and Shield, though troubles linger still.

WHOM SHALL I FEAR?

I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind

The God of angel armies, is always by my side

The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine.”

What more could I need? The God of angel armies is always by my side!

There’s a peace, the world cannot give, but Christ, and this peace comes when I stop focusing on my circumstances and look up at the Controller of all things. And then, I can honestly say,  “The Lord is my light and my salvation; WHOM SHALL I FEAR?  (Psalm 27)

Travis Cottrell sings,

“In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my life, my strength, my song.

This cornerstone, this solid rock, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace, when FEARS ARE STILLED and striving’s cease!

My comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ I stand.

No guilt in life, NOR FEAR IN DEATH, this is the power of Christ in me.

From life’s first cry, to my final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand.

Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand…

On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand,

ALL other ground is sinking sand…”

I’ve had my share of struggles, some were brought upon me and others I brought upon myself. Too many times, I’ve tried to work through the valleys, focusing on my circumstances and my fear. But, I am learning to release, let go, all that concerns me and place it at the feet of Christ.  What a waste it would be for me to live in fear and anxiety when God promises me peace and courage.  I do not know what the next day, the next hour, or even the next minutes will bring, but I FEAR NOT, knowing that God holds all of my tomorrows in His gracious, loving hand. “From life’s first cry, to my final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.”

“Prone to Wander…”

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January 1st 2013

I turn to the first page of my new journal…

A clean sheet of paper

A blank canvas

So pristine, unblemished, and expectant.

I hesitate to write the first word.

Intimidation stares back at me in fear that making the first mark will ruin it’s purity.

It reminds me of the New Year.

Even with the best of intentions, it doesn’t take me long to take something completely flawless and stain it with mistakes and failures.

I’m thankful that the Creator of the Universe gives me more than just a New Year to start over. He surely knows that I need more than that!

With a New Year I’m given twelve new months to start over,

and with each month I have four new weeks to start fresh,

and with each week I have seven new days to make better choices,

and with each day I have twenty-four hours to wipe the slate clean,

and with each hour I have sixty minutes to start again.

A New Year

A New Month

A New Week

A New Day

A New Hour

A New Minute

This year leaves me with many, many new beginnings and choices to start over. This isn’t an excuse to rationalize sin. It is Christ’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness.  I have a choice that comes year to year, month to month, hour to hour, minute to minute to live for myself and temporal gain or to pick up my cross daily and live for Christ and the eternal.

I leave 2012 in the past, with my mistakes and my regrets and start 2013 with these words…

“O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.”

  

 

“A few of our Favorite Things”

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chris6Working and working and working some more,
Going on business trips and to meetings galore.
Coaching my boys in my free time,
Paying for gymnastics with my very last dime.
Loving a home where children’s laughter rings,
These are a few of Chris’ favorite things.

familyWondering how many miles to run in a day,
Driving the family taxi without any pay.
Spending the day with four kids and their friends,
Enjoying this time for soon it will end.
Never knowing what the new day brings
These are a few of Suzanne’s favorite things.

tomWearing shorts all year without feeling a draft,
Filming Lego movies and living on Minecraft.
Playing football my opponents beware,
Getting ready for school with little time to spare.
Reminding Mom “don’t clip my wings”
These are a few of Tommy’s favorite things.

steve 4Playing basketball and baseball and football non-stop,
Hanging with Tommy, my sisters, and Pop.
Talking and talking no detail left out,
Reading and writing, subjects I could do without.
Trading my lunch for snacks my friends bring,
These are a few of Steven’s favorite things.

leahLoving the summer and days at the pool,
Being the fastest kid at the school.
Getting challenged to races during recess,
Wearing cute clothes but never a dress.
Being able to flip like my legs contain springs,
These are a few of Leah’s favorite things.

raeBeing a gymnast, an actress, and dancer,
Ask me a question, I’ll give the right answer.
Bendalina’s my name I can stretch in weird ways,
Wearing Dad out, I can truly amaze.
Living like a princess for the King of all kings,
These are a few of Rachael’s favorite things.

Mary and Joseph and the Christ Child,
A Savior awaited for quite a long while.
How divine, a beautiful night,
the darkness now filled with a Holy Light.
A gift of Salvation only Jesus brings,
These are a few of our family’s favorite things.

Merry Christmas!

Heaven

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I am sad that a man would plot evil against the innocent. I am sad that such a hideous act of violence would take the lives of the young. I am sad  that life is that easy to take away. I am angry that we live in a world that seems to glorify evil and yet when something terrible happens we are so quick to say, “Where was our good and loving God?” I am troubled that I feel sick in the pit of my stomach when I drive my kids to school. I’m troubled  that my heart hurts when I pick up my children from school.  I am heart-broken that I will never look at another child in the same way again. I am troubled that my emotions are so raw when I think about these things. I am heart-broken when I think of the little ones who were taken away so quickly. I am sickened when I think of the fear they must have felt. I am speechless when I think of the mom’s and dad’s who are feeling a heart-break and sadness that words cannot express. I am angry that we live in a cruel world. I am angry that there is so much darkness.

And yet God reminds me that he is the Great I Am.

I AM righteous anger. I AM peace. I AM joy.  I AM healing.  I AM good.  I AM eternal-life. I AM faithful.  I AM comfort. I AM forgiveness.  I AM hope.  I AM love. I AM  light. I  AM here. I WAS there. And I WILL still BE here. I AM anything and everything that you need me to be because I AM the Great I AM.

We must remember that “Heaven is not here, it’s There. If we were given all we wanted here our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.” (Elizabeth Elliott)

Heaven

“Where boys become Kings and girls become Queens, wrapped in your majesty.

And there “they will be brave and free and shout Your name in victory!” (Audio Adrenaline)

 

This was written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Smith, PA…

Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 When 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

“Where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. “This is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”

When what to their wondering eyes did appear, But Jesus, their Savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring Those children all flew into the arms of their King

And as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, One small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”

Then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, “Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”

“May this country be delivered from the hands of fools” “I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”

Then He and the children stood up without a sound. “Come now my children, let me show you around.”

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, “In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”