Category Archives: God

The Aftermath Of The Storm

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There are still storms raging in my life. Storms where dark clouds linger and no matter how hard I try to find blue sky it’s just not there. There are other storms that seem to have blown past, and the warmth of the sun appears, but then the thunder rolls in again, and I brace myself for the strong winds and,  “cast my cares on the Lord, who will sustain me.” (Psalm 55:22)

Then there’s the storm that has settled, the one that came out of the blue, out of the stillness of the day, and threatened to take away the calm. Although, it sent a strong and scary downpour, the skies are clear, and I’m in the aftermath of this storm.

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It was that one phone call, the call no one ever wants to get from the Doctor. That call when you’re told, “we’ve found some abnormalities on your test and you need to come back for more testing.”  Although, my first response to this news was a heart racing, mind running, and stomach tied up in knots, feeling, I knew God was there. I knew I didn’t have to worry. Christ already knew the outcome of the test and I could trust Him with my life.

I hung up the phone, put on my headphones and started to listen to praise music, hopped on my bike, and just pedaled. Hard. And as I listened to song after song my heart and mind were at peace. With each song came God’s promises. I will, “walk upon the waters and keep my eyes above the storm.” “I can face the fear of the unknown,” because, “whisper it now, or shout it out,” “there is power in the name of Jesus.” He is “my hope, my strong deliverer.” He is, “Strength in my weakness, the refuge I seek.” “I know the one who goes before me, He is a friend of mine, the Lord of angel armies, is always by my side, whom shall I fear!?” This was seeking God’s presence in the middle of a raging storm and finding the calm.

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But then, a second phone call came. A second test result with abnormal findings. I wanted to give into my fear and let my mind wander, but again I sought Christ. However, when the third phone call came and there was yet another abnormal finding, I began to feel the rain. I started to listen to the thunder. The lightening seemed so close, too close. I was afraid. This was a strong storm and I was beginning to feel like I was being swallowed up into the waves, out of control, crashing into the rocks. I started to think about the destruction this storm could bring. One thought turned into another and each thought seemed more devastating than the last. I found myself paralyzed with fear and the “what-if’s?” What if it is cancer? What if God was going to take me from my kids? What if I was going to die?  Where was my Strength? My Hope? My ever present Help in danger? Where was He?

He was still there. He is always there.  But because, I had removed my focus from Him and allowed myself to look into the eye of the storm, I became afraid. On my own, I can’t make it through the storm. I might be able to stand my ground for a while, but soon I will find myself drowning in the waters.

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If I allow myself to focus on that first thought, that first doubt of God’s promises I will be swept away by the storm. That’s why it’s so important to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) As soon as the thought, “What if it is cancer,” entered my mind I should have given it to God. I should have “sought Him because He would have answered Me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4) This could have stopped the whirlwind of thoughts from piling up.

After what seemed liked an eternity of waiting, I was told by the doctor that all additional tests came back normal. There was no cancer found in my body. I was beyond thankful and relieved. I know that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes we get answers we don’t want to hear. But, we have to trust that when things turn out good, God is good, and when things turn out differently than we hoped, God is still good. (Psalm 136:1) He does not change. (Hebrews 13:8) If my test results had returned positive I would have held onto my belief that God remains the same, and everything brought into my life, good or bad, can always be used for His Glory, if I surrender to His will. (Romans 8:28)

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Storms come and go. Some storms linger and some storms pass. Sometimes through the storm we find it easy to cling to Christ and trust Him.  Sometimes through the storm our thoughts wander, and we doubt that God is going to keep His promises. Every storm is difficult to endure, but when we surrender our fears to Jesus and He becomes our refuge in the storm, we can “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that they can produce endurance, character, and hope” (Romans 5:3-5) and we can come out of the storm stronger. I pray that every storm I weather will be used to draw me to a stronger faith in Christ. He is my strong and firm foundation and He can not be shaken through any storm.

 

My Child You are…

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When I was a freshmen in college I had the opportunity to meet Neil Anderson. He is the author of many books, some of which include, “The Bondage Breaker,” and “Victory Over The Darkness.” During one of his seminars at Wheaton College, Neil, picked me out of the audience and asked me to come up on the stage and share part of my testimony. You see, God had used Neil and his books to save my life from an eating disorder that almost killed me. One of the most important questions Neil asks those who believe in Jesus, goes something like this…“Who are You?”

In the past I would have simply said, “I’m Suzanne Ryan.” And Neil would have replied, but that’s not who you are, that’s just your name. I could say, “I’m a mom.” But, that’s not really who I am either, that’s what I do. I could say, “I am a runner.” But again, that’s not who I am, it’s something I enjoy. So who am I?

I have learned to know and believe that I am God’s child.  Although, there are many aspects of my character, the core of who I really am, comes from my relationship with Christ. And if I believe that, I also believe that I have a responsibility to live like His child.

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God’s Word is filled with verses who remind me of who I am as His child. If I want to live a life worthy of this calling, I have to constantly remind myself that because of Christ’s sacrificial love on the cross and my belief in Him He now sees me as…

His Child
Chosen By God
Bought with a great sacrificial price
Adopted
Accepted through Grace
Rescued
A recipient of Mercy

I am…
Holy and dearly loved
His very own workmanship and handiwork
Created wonderfully and perfectly
I belong to God

I am…
Alive in Christ
A new creation
Set free
Free forever from condemnation
Free from guilt and shame
Completely forgiven

I am…
Justified
Redeemed
Sanctified
Righteous
Healed
Complete
Victorious over sin

I am..
Set-Apart and reconciled to God
A member of His Royal Priesthood
His Chosen Race and Holy Nation
A foreigner in this world and a citizen of heaven

I am…
His temple
A dwelling place of God
United to the Lord
A joint heir of Christ
Enslaved to God
To live as the salt of the earth
And the light of the World
Part of the True Vine
Made to bear His fruit

I am…
A friend of God’s
A sister of Christ
A daughter of the King
Able to approach His throne with confidence and boldness
He is my Father.

I am…
His…
He is mine…
And I know it will take all of my life to renew my mind and conform to God’s image, but it is my deepest desire to live “as an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life.”

“What you do does NOT determine who you are; who you are determines what you do. The most important belief we possess is a true knowledge of who God is. The second most important belief is who we are as children of God, because we cannot consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how we perceive ourselves.” (Neil Anderson)

(Inspired by Neil Anderson and Who I am in Christ. All of the words concerning “Who I am in Christ” can be found in the Scriptures as God’s true promises about His children)

The Storms of Life

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“Up on the mountain, where Your love captured me, where finally I am free. Up on the mountain, where You taught my soul to sing, Amazing Grace, the sweetest thing…
And then the storm rushing in and here I am again…”

Far from the top of the mountain and in the midst of yet another storm. Why is it that when one storm passes and blue skies are on the horizon, often another storm starts to billow. Some storms are so powerful and strong that they leave behind a path of destruction and loss. Other storms come out of the blue, out of the stillness of the day, and we find ourselves in a downpour that leaves us stunned. There are storms out in the distance, building up, carrying lots of damage, and getting closer and closer with every passing moment.

The storms of life that hold unemployment, broken promises, broken relationships, a prodigal child, a cancer diagnosis, addiction, pain, fear, guilt, shame, and so much more. Unfortunately, these storms don’t always pass us over but, “Christ can be our refuge and protection from the storm and the rain.” (Isaiah 4:6). In these turbulent times we need to believe God and all of His promises. He is our shelter from the storm. (Isaiah 25:4)

It’s during these times that God can reveal to us “how wide, how long, how high, how deep, His love is for us.” (Ephesians 3:18). Eternal love. God’s love. And in His love we find hope. Though the storms may cause damage we know He goes before us, and “we can face the loss of things we enjoy and grieve when those we love are taken away, yet not lose hope or feel life isn’t worth living. The person who believes God can face anything, (any storm) and say I still have God’s promises and that is enough.” (Tim Keller)

Don’t we want to go through the storms of life with this expectant hope and trust in God? Believing that “the world can take nothing from us, and the world has nothing we need, because we have Christ! (Tim Keller) He, and He alone, is sufficient to see us through. Too often, when a storm hits, we know we have Christ but we don’t feel He is enough. We think; we have Christ, but we still need to hold on to our fears and anxiety. We have Christ, but we still need to think about the “what ifs.” We have Christ, but we still need to have a couple drinks to take the edge off or pop a couple pills to calm down. We have Christ, but we still need to control the situation and seek to calm the storm on our own.

This is not what Christ wants. He wants us to find that He IS really ALL we need. Christ plus nothing else equals peace, strength, hope, perseverance and so much more through life’s storms. Let us “fix our eyes on Jesus,” on His goodness and His sovereignty, and rise above the furious storm. He takes pleasure in quieting our hearts and calming the storm. We need to choose to stand in Christ alone, believing He is the “Blessed Controller of all things.” (1 Timothy 6:15) If we allow Him, He will bring us through the eye of the storm and lead us up onto the mountain. How I long to be standing tall, on the mountain with my precious Savior, at a place where He has safely brought me, and I can truly say, He is ALL I need.

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“So take me up to where I was, when I never wanted more than You…up on the mountain where You took me by the hand, taught me to dance again…where You took this heart of stone and put life back in these bones…Up on the mountain.” (David Crowder)

Do I Have The Strength?

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I find it fascinating that often times when I write about a specific topic, I will soon discover that I am thrown into the midst of a situation where I am personally tested on that particular belief. About a month ago I wrote a blog on waiting, not just waiting, but “waiting patiently on the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14) I was thinking this blog would be “part one” of a series of blogs on waiting. Little did I know, that while I was writing part one, God already held, in His hands, part two.

It took one phone call for God to lead me into the waiting. One call that has left me not knowing what’s around the next corner. The unknown. The waiting. One call that started a host of worry and a collage of imagery containing many “what ifs…” One call that stirred up fear and anxiety and other emotions and questions I wasn’t expecting. One call which led to the creation of all the worst-case scenarios the future might hold.

And then, one hushed whisper from God that said, STOP! Let it go. Do not speculate into the future. Stay in the present and come to Me. Seek Me. You will find me in the waiting. I am here. You can trust Me. And when you fully trust me, you can give Me your worry, your anxious thoughts, your fear, your future. I will fill you with “strength as you wait with a divine quietness and trust.” (Isaiah 30:15) This surpasses all understanding. This is patiently waiting for Me. And as you patiently wait upon Me, you will find a renewed strength, a strong strength. You are not strong enough to face the trials of life that are coming your way, but I am. Put your confidence in Me. Hope in Me. Look to Me for help and expect that I will come to your aid and deliver you. If you let me, I will exchange your weak strength and dress you, with my divine hands, in strong garments of My strength. Trust in anticipation and watch and see that “your strength will rise as you wait upon Me.  (Isaiah 40:31)

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“And I anxiously wait as I hold onto love that will never let go…won’t you remind me, that I’m not alone. Here in the waiting. All of the questions, secret confessions, Lord, you’ll make sense of it all. And I know you’ll show up, so I’m letting go of these thoughts that are taking control. This is the waiting.” (Jamie Grace)

No More Running?

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When I first started running competitively, I realized that running could never consume me. It could never become my identity. Who I am in Christ is where I find my identity. Who I am rests in the fact that I am His child, holy and dearly loved. And though He has brought many passions into my life, including running, not one of them is essential. “I can receive His blessings with open hands. Enjoy His good gifts, but I do not cling to them. I must turn my attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that I am complete in Him. The one thing I absolutely need is the One thing that I can never lose: God’s presence with me.” (Jesus Calling) Over the last three years, and more specifically the last seven months, my Sweet Lord has put me to the test in regards to who I am and finding peace in His presence alone.

On December 1st, 2012th, I was at the Memphis Marathon as an invited athlete. It wasn’t a deep field and I was seeded first. I was ready not only to win the race, but run my best marathon time yet. Little did I know that by mile 13, I would walk off the course frustrated and defeated, with a small annoying ache in my achilles. An ache that would eventually side-line me from any serious training and racing. An ache that would not, and has not gone away, for almost three years. An injury, that for the time being, has taken one of my greatest pleasures in life away from me…running.

During 2013 and 2014, it seemed I was going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with my foot and how to correct it. After more than two years of trying physical therapy and every conservative treatment available for achilles pain, I came to the realization that the only hope of curing the pain was to under-go surgery. This was something I wanted to avoid, but considering I couldn’t run or even walk without excruciating pain, I knew it was something that needed to be done.

1-IMG_4608On March 17th, 2015 I went in for achilles debridement surgery, as well as the removal of a bone spur, and a strayer procedure on my calf. I knew this was not going to be an easy surgery or an easy recovery. I had accepted in my mind, to the best of my ability, that after surgery I would not be able to run for at least six to twelve months.

Post-surgery I was relieved that I had taken the final step in curing my foot and I was determined to focus on recovery. I was in a hard cast and on crutches for the first twelve weeks. Of course, I thought about running, but I seemed to be content with not being able to do so. However, there did come a time when I would see someone out running and it would sting a bit. I had to constantly remind myself that healing was in God’s hands, God’s timing, not mine.

When I was finally off the crutches and out of the cast I went directly into the boot for four weeks. I was still doing okay mentally but I kept thinking to myself, “I took me so many hours, so many hard workouts, so much sweat, so much time, to get to the level I was at in the years past.” Would I ever be able to get it back? I found that I was looking back and wishing I could be there. I  longed for the time when running was fun, easy, and fast. I wanted to be in the past, training hard and winning races. Christ, gently nudged me out of the past and reminded me, that while I can look back and miss it, I must not look back and be sad. I must look back and be thankful that I was there, knowing that the past and my experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I must look back and thank Him for the accomplishments I was able to achieve and then bring my focus to today, the present, where I am now, and trust that “He is doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:19)

Through this process, I have asked the question why a thousand times. Why would You take running from me when You know it is a passion of mine? Why would you take this from me when I’ve been able to achieve so much with it? Why would you take this when I have so many friends who are still running and setting new PR’s each year? Why do I have to sit on the side-lines and watch as they go after their goals? Why would you take this from me, especially when I have tried my best to use my running for You, to lift You up and make You known. Why? And I have learned it’s okay to ask the question why. But, I have also learned I can’t get stuck there. It’s not my job to figure out God’s ways. He is in control. It is His plan for my life, not mine. And if, I can glorify God by not running, better than I can glorify Him with running, I will gladly open my hands and release my dreams, my goals, my running to Him.

In so doing, I’ve been able to rest, to stop striving, and to wait for God’s “glorious unfolding.” I do not know what that unfolding means in regards to my running and what the future may hold. There’s a big chance I may never be able to train and race again. I might not even be able to run recreationally. But, whatever the outcome, it’s okay, because I know He can restore my broken and unfinished dreams and He can use them in new and creative ways for His glory. My passion for running is still there, but God is replacing it with an overwhelming passion for Him, to know Him better. I’m finding that the better I know Him, the more I want to know Him, and the more I want others to know Him. He is my biggest passion and I know He is greater than any award I can win through running. And now, “forgetting what lies behind and straining froward to what lies ahead, I press on to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)

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Rest that Endures

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“Come out of sadness, from wherever you’ve been, come brokenhearted let rescue begin. Come find your mercy, Oh sinner, come kneel. Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal. So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame, all who are broken lift up your face. Oh, wanderer come home, you’re not too far, so lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are. There’s hope for the hopeless and all those who’ve strayed. Come sit at his table, come taste of His grace. There’s rest for the weary, rest that endures. Earth has no sorry that Heaven can’t cure. So come as you are. Fall in His arms. There’s joy for the morning, oh sinner, be still. Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.”

(David Crowder)

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Today I’m resting in the presence of God. Trusting that He is who He says He is. Remembering, that even when life is hard and painful I serve a God that desires to bind  my broken-heart and mend my wounds. My Savior beckons me when I am “weary and  heavy burdened, to come to Him and find rest.” (Matthew 11:28) My Sweet, Sweet Lord, who promises me “my tears may last for the night, but rejoicing will come in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) He shows me that in the midst of danger and distress, He will quite my mind and show me His faithfulness. I do not have to bow down under the source of my sorrow because “He is the lifter of my head,” (Psalm 3:3) ready and willing to restore my dignity and honor for His glory. He summons me to come home and to be still, as he “prepares a table for me, in the wilderness. He invites me to sit and taste of His great goodness and love.” (Psalm 34:8) I come, just as I am, into His presence, wrapped in His arms, without any fear or dread of what tomorrow holds. “Yes, my soul finds rest in my God; my hope comes from Him.” (Psalm 62:5)

Goliath

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I love the story of David, the little shepherd boy who defeated Goliath. There were these big men, trained soldiers, who went out to face Goliath and couldn’t derail him. But yet, when David, who was just a child, went to battle against the giant he slayed him using only a sling and five little stones.

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When the soldiers confronted Goliath, they saw Goliath. Their discussion centered around Goliath. He was their fear, their focus. When David went out to face Goliath he talked about God. Not Goliath, but God. God was His Focus. Does he see Goliath? Of course! You can’t not see him. But he doesn’t key in on him. He lifts his eyes to the only One who can thwart the giant.

If, for just one second, David removed His eyes from the Victor and saw the enemy, he would have been consumed by His fears. He would have noticed that he was just a little boy facing a massive monster. His cry would not have been a battle cry but a cry to retreat. David left his eyes trained on the Champion who could win the war. David was “God-focused, not giant-focused.”

Our enemy would like nothing else than to see us get up each morning, only to fall under the fear of our giants. Our Goliath may not come to us in “flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12) but he waves swords of defeat, shame, guilt, depression. He walks “through your office, your bedroom, your classroom. He brings bills you can’t pay, grades you can’t make, people you can’t please, whiskey you can’t resist, pornography you can’t refuse, a career you can’t escape, a past you can’t shake, and a future you can’t face.” (Max Lucado) Goliath wants to be the first thing we think about in the morning and the last thing we worry about in the evening. But I’m not willing to give in to that. I want to see God more. I want to start my day with God, not with Goliath. I want to end my day with God, not with the giant.

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My Goliath may come and go or he might not ever be removed. But I know, I have a choice. I can either buckle under the intimidation of Goliath or I can look past the giant, focus on the God of angel armies, and wait in thankful anticipation knowing that the “battle belongs to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 17:47)

(Inspired by 1st Samuel 17 and the Book, Facing Your Giants, by Max Lucado)

The Sunflower

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Every day God is so good to give us reminders of who He is and who we are as His children. I’m learning that if I’m actively looking for Him, He is there! Always ready to reveal Himself. This afternoon when I was driving Leah and Rachael home from school we drove past two giant sunflowers. They were absolutely beautiful. To my surprise, Leah, didn’t share my same point of view and voiced her opinion about the sunflower. She told me she thought they were ugly. “What!?”  I said, “Leah, do you know why I think the sunflower is so cool?” Without getting too scientific, (re-calling what I learned as a little girl, and not what I can find on the internet about “solar-tracking” and the misconception of sunflowers), I told her how the sunflower follows the sun.

As soon as the morning breaks, the sunflower is basking in the warmth of the sun. Throughout the day it moves with the sun. From sunrise to sunset, it is always facing the sun. It doesn’t leave the sun’s presence. What happens to the flower if it doesn’t follow the sun? It won’t thrive. It will start to fall over, slump, droop. If the flower is deprived from the sun, its beauty will start to fade. Without the sun there is no flourishing flower.

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And it took just a moment, for God to whisper to me, “This is how I want you to live.” Whether it’s myth or legend, the sunflower reminds me of the perfect example, the exact visual of what God desires His children to do with His Son. We are to be Son followers. In the morning hours we should wake with the Son. We should Seek His presence and soak up His rays. From sunrise to sunset, our “eyes should be fixed on the Author and Perfecter” of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2) In the warmth of the Son we will find great pleasure and satisfaction. “Planted in the House of the Lord, we will flourish.” (Psalm 92:13)

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the LIGHT of His glory and Grace.”

Tommy’s Surgery

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“When everything seems to be going wrong, refuse to get discouraged. Remember that I am a God of surprises; I am not limited by the way things are or by the paltry possibilities you can see. I am infinitely creative and powerful.” (Jesus Today)

I know there are far worse things Tommy could be going through than a second knee surgery. But, to a 17 year old, who just, eleven months earlier endured the pain of an ACL injury, reconstructive surgery, and months of physical therapy in order to get back on the football field, it is frustrating.

As I sat in the waiting room, the same waiting room I was in less than a year ago, I knew the procedure was turning out to be more than just his meniscus. The minutes dragged on, and soon a half hour became an hour, and an hour became two, and when it came close to three hours my heart was hurting for my son. A three hour knee surgery isn’t a good sign.

Finally, the procedure was over and while we were waiting for Tommy to “wake-up,” the doctor told us that he had found and repaired small tears in both of Tommy’s menisci. He also had to revise the ACL with a cadaver graft and remove the previous screw from his tibia. Thankfully, he was able to work around the screw in his femur, and now Tommy has a few more screws and a washer to hold his ACL firmly in place. We were also told his cartilage is already showing signs of arthritis.

As the doctor was talking I was thinking about Tommy, and how, right before he went into surgery he said to me, “When you find out it’s just my meniscus will you please text coach and let him know.” I was worried how he would mentally feel when he found out that this was not the surgery he wanted. We had prayed over and over again that when the doctor operated he would find Tommy’s ACL perfectly intact and only have to fix a small tear in his meniscus. We wanted a simple surgery and a short recovery process. I was worried that Tommy was going to feel discouraged and disappointed not only with the outcome, but with God. Wondering why, after we had prayed so hard for different results, He would allow Tommy to go through this again. Another extensive surgery. Months of physical therapy. And another football season lost. It was hard not to feel disappointed for Tommy. Defeat was written all over his face.

It’s tempting to ask God the question, “Why?” But, we don’t. We haven’t questioned His plan, because when this injury first occurred we knew the outcome was already in God’s hands. So yes, of course we prayed it would be a simple surgery, but we also knew we were praying with tunnel vision. God’s plan would come to be, not our simple plan. We can’t even began to grasp the mind of Christ and the plans He has for us and for Tommy. But we are certain they are “plans for good,” (Jeremiah 29:11) even when we don’t understand the path He is leading us down. We trust He is a loving and faithful God. Always present. Always waiting for us to seek Him. To find Him. And when we look, He is there. Waiting with His surprises, creativity, and power. So, instead of asking why, we wait. We wait with thanksgiving, with anticipation, knowing that God can use Tommy’s disappointment to reveal God’s glory in a way that we can’t even fathom or imagine.

Thanks to all who prayed, texted, or emailed before, during, and after Tommy’s surgery.