Category Archives: heaven

Rest that Endures

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“Come out of sadness, from wherever you’ve been, come brokenhearted let rescue begin. Come find your mercy, Oh sinner, come kneel. Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal. So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame, all who are broken lift up your face. Oh, wanderer come home, you’re not too far, so lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are. There’s hope for the hopeless and all those who’ve strayed. Come sit at his table, come taste of His grace. There’s rest for the weary, rest that endures. Earth has no sorry that Heaven can’t cure. So come as you are. Fall in His arms. There’s joy for the morning, oh sinner, be still. Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.”

(David Crowder)

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Today I’m resting in the presence of God. Trusting that He is who He says He is. Remembering, that even when life is hard and painful I serve a God that desires to bind  my broken-heart and mend my wounds. My Savior beckons me when I am “weary and  heavy burdened, to come to Him and find rest.” (Matthew 11:28) My Sweet, Sweet Lord, who promises me “my tears may last for the night, but rejoicing will come in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) He shows me that in the midst of danger and distress, He will quite my mind and show me His faithfulness. I do not have to bow down under the source of my sorrow because “He is the lifter of my head,” (Psalm 3:3) ready and willing to restore my dignity and honor for His glory. He summons me to come home and to be still, as he “prepares a table for me, in the wilderness. He invites me to sit and taste of His great goodness and love.” (Psalm 34:8) I come, just as I am, into His presence, wrapped in His arms, without any fear or dread of what tomorrow holds. “Yes, my soul finds rest in my God; my hope comes from Him.” (Psalm 62:5)

“10,000 Reasons”

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Today I woke up thinking these words, “The sun comes up, It’s a new day dawning, It’s time to sing Your song again, Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes.”

It’s been another hard week for us as we mourn the death of Grandma Marie Ryan.  She was a big part of our lives and words can not express how greatly we will miss her.  I am thankful for the time we were able to share with her in this life, and I am so thankful that I know and believe, “God’s name is Great and His heart is kind. For all His goodness I will keep on singing, Ten Thousand reasons for my heart to find.” He is the blessed controller of all things. “Sing like never before, O my soul, I’ll worship Your holy name.”

The next few days will be very hard as we attend Grandma’s viewing and funeral but it just reminds us once again, this world is not our home, we are just passing through, patiently awaiting our real home, heaven and eternity with Jesus. “Still my soul will sing Your praise unending, Ten thousand years and then forevermore. I’ll worship your holy name, Jesus I’ll worship  your holy name.”

Finally Home

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At around midnight on June 1st, 2013 my Aunt took her last breath and flew away to Heaven.

“Just think of stepping on shore – And finding it Heaven!

Of touching a hand – And finding it God’s!

Of breathing new air- And finding it celestial!

Of waking up in glory- And finding it Home!”

It’s hard to find the words to express what it feels like to sit with someone who is dying. During the days of May 25th-June 2nd my Aunt’s family tried to have someone with Aunt Marge around the clock. We all took turns spending time with her, sitting with her, just being with her.

Aunt Marge in Nursing School
Aunt Marge in Her Brother’s Wedding

It was an odd feeling. We were not sitting with her helping her fight for her life. We were not holding her hand and hoping that she would recover and go on living. We didn’t have the hope that she would get better.  Instead, we were sitting by her bedside knowing that the end was drawing near.  How do we sit by the side of a loved one that has no hope to get better. No hope to pull through. No hope to improve. No Hope for this life. But Hope. HOPE. Miraculous Hope. Hope in Salvation. Hope in Eternity. Hope in a new Home. Hope in a new life. Hope in Jesus Christ.  Hope that “one day in His courts is better than thousand’s elsewhere” (Psalm 84:10). Hope that “precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of one of his saints”(Psalm 116:15). Hope that “He prepares a place for us and when it is ready He will call us home,”  (John 14) And although we mourned this last week and will mourn in the weeks to come, we mourn with hope!

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible

When I think back to the last several days with Aunt Marge and wonder how her husband, her daughter, her sister, and brother-in-law, her nieces and nephews were able to endure her approaching death, I will remember that it was because of our hope and faith in Jesus Christ and eternity. When we took our turns to be with Marge, she was unable to communicate, so we simply held her hand, told her we loved her, prayed for her, cried for her, read scripture to her, played hymns for her.  We sat in the presence of our Savior, her Savior. Sometimes, we wondered why He wasn’t calling her home when, to us, it looked obvious that she needed to go. Doctors and nurses would tell us what they thought, maybe days, maybe hours, 72 hours, 48 hours, maybe weeks. And we would wonder. And we would tell her “to go home.” But then,  we would realize no one knows! Only God. And her life is in His hands, and only when each and every detail is in place and her job on earth is done He would take her home. And while her job on earth ended last night and God called her home, her testimony, her hope, her faith, her love for Jesus Christ will go on. Her legacy of faith will continue to reach generation after generation.

This week, I had the privilege of seeing a living example of 1 Corinthians 13:13, “now faith, hope, and love remain – these three things.”  Our faith in Jesus, our hope in eternity, and our love in Jesus Christ and for our family. These things remain.

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible – Her Favorite Verse

Update on my Aunt – I’ll Fly Away

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Each day seems to get harder and harder. Yesterday seemed to be especially hard. I spent most of the day at the hospital, with my Uncle Gus, his daughter, Anne, and her husband Brad, my mom and dad, and my sister.

Aunt Marge’s breathing seems to have changed, it has become shallow and labored. Her color has also changed. At four o’clock yesterday she was moved from the hospital back to her old room at the nursing home. Her room at the home is very comfortable and it has an extra bed. Anne (and maybe Gus) stayed with her through the night last night.

When we were with her yesterday her breathing seemed to be even more labored and by the evening she was running a fever of 102.5 and her pulse was also very fast.

My daughter Leah wanted to go with me to the nursing home last night so she could say goodbye to Aunt Marge. Leah and my other daughter, Rachael,  have been very faithful in praying for Aunt Marge and visiting her.

So, last night we played music for her. She is a very gifted piano player. (In fact, even with the disease of Alzheimer’s, we could sit her down at the piano, name any hymn and she could play it. One time, Leah, Rachael, and I brought an old hymnal to the nursing home because we were having trouble coming up with different songs for her to play. We could pick any song from the hymnal and she would know it without looking at the music or the words.)

Last night, we held her hand, we prayed with her, and we told her she could “go home.”  Many people are waiting for her in heaven, her mom and dad, her brother Jim, and his wife, Grace, but most importantly Jesus.

On the way home from the nursing home, Leah looked at me through tears and said, “Mom, even though I don’t know Aunt Marge very well I still love her so much. She has taught me that even through troubled times I can still trust Jesus.”

Thank you Aunt Marge.  Even through your sickness and pain, your light for Jesus still shines through to my daughters and me.

It was hard to leave the home last night and I’m anxious to get back there this morning.

I’ll Fly Away

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I was hoping to race during the Memorial day weekend. I was debating about driving to Portage, Indiana and running a 12k trail race or testing my speed and doing a small neighborhood 5k in Villa Park. I had eventually decided on the 12k and was really excited. As many of you know, I’ve been injured and unable to race for a few months. I thought the trail race would be a good opportunity to introduce my legs to racing again without the pressure of the clock. The first race back is always the hardest (and sometimes the most humbling) so I figured the 12k would be an easier way to shock my body into the reality of racing.

I woke up Monday morning and I really wasn’t in racing mode. The thought did cross my mind that maybe it wasn’t a smart idea because my foot isn’t 100% healed and I am just getting over a pretty bad respiratory infection. Despite these things I know I still could have raced, but I didn’t want to, not on Saturday, or Sunday, or even yesterday. Over the weekend, more immediate issues far out-weighed running. Don’t get me wrong, obviously running is a big part of my life and I love training and racing. But, as of last Friday, May 24th, my heart and mind have been with my Aunt.

Not just any Aunt, but one of my favorite Aunts. My Aunt Marge. She has been in my life for as long as I can remember. She has faithfully prayed for me and my family over the years. She has shown me what a life lived for Christ resembles. She doesn’t just talk about her faith but she lives her faith. My Aunt, who still remembers the name of Jesus, but no longer remembers my name, or who I am, or how we are related. My aunt who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

My Aunt, who, while living at the nursing home, lost her balance and fell on four occasions. The fourth fall being extremely bad. She was not very responsive last Thursday and Friday while my mom and I, along with her husband, visited her. She was taken to the emergency room Friday morning, where we learned that both sides of her brain were bleeding and it was not in her best interest to under-go surgery.

At least for me, reality didn’t sink in until Saturday. I went back to the hospital to visit her and the realization struck that she would never walk again, or talk again, or enjoy food, or be able to refresh her thirst. She would never get out of bed again.

She was put under hospice care, and the goal of hospice is not to prolong her life in the most comfortable of ways, but rather keep her comfortable until her time on earth is over.

Sunday night the Doctor said she has approximately 4-5 days left. But yet, they don’t really know. And although we mourn, we “mourn with hope.”  (1 Thess. 4:13-18) We know and believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is awaiting her home in heaven. She is going “home on God’s celestial shores, like a bird from prison bars has flown, she’ll fly away, just a few more weary days, and then she’ll fly away.” Home, free, restored, renewed. Home.

I know that it’s not my time to fly away from life’s pain and struggles, but I can run. And it’s in these moments of life that I like to run in solitude and in silence. It’s on these runs, where I don’t focus on running, but I focus on my thoughts, my emotions, my sadness, my anger, my joy, my confusion, and I ask questions and sometimes I find answers and sometimes I don’t. But somehow, pounding the pavement during these times, allows my mind to focus on Christ and meet with Him and life’s problems become a little easier to face.

I’ve run every day since Friday. I know that’s not a big deal. But yet, on every single one of these runs I have thought of my beloved Aunt Marge wasting away in her hospital bed, unable to move and unable to communicate and I pray that I won’t take the simple pleasure of running and a healthy body and a sound mind for granted.

And soon, my Aunt on “some glad morning, when her life is over, she’ll fly away, to a land where joy shall never end. She’ll fly away.”

No Fear

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Hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, bombings, bomb threats, school shootings, shootings at work, shooting at the theater, shootings anywhere, anyplace, cancer, disease, suicide, death, the unknown…

 It would be easy to retreat and live in fear, overwhelming,  paralyzing, immobilizing fear.

But I am reminded that there are over 300 scripture verses that have to do with fear. I think of the words in;

Psalm 90 – “He will cover you with feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  DO NOT BE AFRAID  of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.”

 Isaiah 41:10 –  “DO NOT FEAR, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

John 14:27 –  “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give, SO DO NOT BE TROUBLED OR AFRAID.”

2 Timothy 1:7 –  “I HAVE NOT GIVEN YOU A SPIRIT OF FEAR or timidity but of power, love and self-discipline.”

Joshua 1:9 – “This is my command – be strong and courageous! DO NOT BE AFRAID or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

And one of my favorites,  

2 Kings 6 – “DO NOT BE AFRAID”, the prophet answered, “those who are with us are more than who are with them”…In the next instant the servant saw that the hills surrounding the city were full of horses – and these weren’t the enemy’s horses. They were surrounded by chariots of fire. God’s army of angels was all around, protecting Elisha and the servant.”

Chris Tomlin writes,

“You hear me when I call , You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night, It cannot hide the light.

WHOM SHALL I FEAR?

You crush the enemy, Underneath my feet

You are my Sword and Shield, though troubles linger still.

WHOM SHALL I FEAR?

I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind

The God of angel armies, is always by my side

The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine.”

What more could I need? The God of angel armies is always by my side!

There’s a peace, the world cannot give, but Christ, and this peace comes when I stop focusing on my circumstances and look up at the Controller of all things. And then, I can honestly say,  “The Lord is my light and my salvation; WHOM SHALL I FEAR?  (Psalm 27)

Travis Cottrell sings,

“In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my life, my strength, my song.

This cornerstone, this solid rock, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace, when FEARS ARE STILLED and striving’s cease!

My comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ I stand.

No guilt in life, NOR FEAR IN DEATH, this is the power of Christ in me.

From life’s first cry, to my final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand.

Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand…

On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand,

ALL other ground is sinking sand…”

I’ve had my share of struggles, some were brought upon me and others I brought upon myself. Too many times, I’ve tried to work through the valleys, focusing on my circumstances and my fear. But, I am learning to release, let go, all that concerns me and place it at the feet of Christ.  What a waste it would be for me to live in fear and anxiety when God promises me peace and courage.  I do not know what the next day, the next hour, or even the next minutes will bring, but I FEAR NOT, knowing that God holds all of my tomorrows in His gracious, loving hand. “From life’s first cry, to my final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.”