Category Archives: Tired Moms

Why my kids don’t believe in Santa…

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Why my kids don’t believe in Santa…

Because one quiet Christmas morning when my sweet and innocent children woke up to open their gifts they realized that Santa had not visited our house on Christmas Eve.

It was not Santa who stuffed his big belly down our chimney and indulged himself with the Christmas cookies and milk that my children had left out for him. It was not Santa that left presents under our tree. No, the gifts my children were tearing into were NOT from Santa at all!!

However, they were from a man who also wears a red-suit, but this man does not have a big round belly, nor does he have a soft white beard, or a deep joyful laugh of “Ho-Ho-Ho.”

Instead, this man, carries a pitch-fork and adorns his head with horns. It was not SANTA who left presents under our tree that year, but it was SATAN, himself!!

You see, I had been up late on Christmas Eve and having three young children at the time, my eyes were heavy with a tiredness only a mother can know. I was quickly  addressing my children’s gift tags, one after another, and in my hurry I signed each one,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, LOVE, SATAN!!”

I did not realize my mistake until the next morning, half-way through opening the presents when my husband said, “Suzanne, stop for a second, and SLOWLY read the gift tags, are you dyslexic!? Are they all suppose to say Satan or did you mean to write Santa?” My poor children were opening gifts delivered from Satan!? What kind of mother secretly puts presents under the tree and pretends that Satan was the generous gift giver!?

It’s amazing how one can mix up a couple of letters and change the entire mystery of the Christmas experience.

However, like a good parent, I have worked this mistake into my favor! For now, when the Holiday season rolls around I can tell my children that, “they better not shout, they better not pout, they better watch out, I’m telling you why, Satan…will surely come back to town!

Disclaimer – Satan did not really visit our house and no children were hurt or have experienced emotional long term effects by this mistake.

 

The Aftermath Of The Storm

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There are still storms raging in my life. Storms where dark clouds linger and no matter how hard I try to find blue sky it’s just not there. There are other storms that seem to have blown past, and the warmth of the sun appears, but then the thunder rolls in again, and I brace myself for the strong winds and,  “cast my cares on the Lord, who will sustain me.” (Psalm 55:22)

Then there’s the storm that has settled, the one that came out of the blue, out of the stillness of the day, and threatened to take away the calm. Although, it sent a strong and scary downpour, the skies are clear, and I’m in the aftermath of this storm.

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It was that one phone call, the call no one ever wants to get from the Doctor. That call when you’re told, “we’ve found some abnormalities on your test and you need to come back for more testing.”  Although, my first response to this news was a heart racing, mind running, and stomach tied up in knots, feeling, I knew God was there. I knew I didn’t have to worry. Christ already knew the outcome of the test and I could trust Him with my life.

I hung up the phone, put on my headphones and started to listen to praise music, hopped on my bike, and just pedaled. Hard. And as I listened to song after song my heart and mind were at peace. With each song came God’s promises. I will, “walk upon the waters and keep my eyes above the storm.” “I can face the fear of the unknown,” because, “whisper it now, or shout it out,” “there is power in the name of Jesus.” He is “my hope, my strong deliverer.” He is, “Strength in my weakness, the refuge I seek.” “I know the one who goes before me, He is a friend of mine, the Lord of angel armies, is always by my side, whom shall I fear!?” This was seeking God’s presence in the middle of a raging storm and finding the calm.

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But then, a second phone call came. A second test result with abnormal findings. I wanted to give into my fear and let my mind wander, but again I sought Christ. However, when the third phone call came and there was yet another abnormal finding, I began to feel the rain. I started to listen to the thunder. The lightening seemed so close, too close. I was afraid. This was a strong storm and I was beginning to feel like I was being swallowed up into the waves, out of control, crashing into the rocks. I started to think about the destruction this storm could bring. One thought turned into another and each thought seemed more devastating than the last. I found myself paralyzed with fear and the “what-if’s?” What if it is cancer? What if God was going to take me from my kids? What if I was going to die?  Where was my Strength? My Hope? My ever present Help in danger? Where was He?

He was still there. He is always there.  But because, I had removed my focus from Him and allowed myself to look into the eye of the storm, I became afraid. On my own, I can’t make it through the storm. I might be able to stand my ground for a while, but soon I will find myself drowning in the waters.

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If I allow myself to focus on that first thought, that first doubt of God’s promises I will be swept away by the storm. That’s why it’s so important to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) As soon as the thought, “What if it is cancer,” entered my mind I should have given it to God. I should have “sought Him because He would have answered Me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4) This could have stopped the whirlwind of thoughts from piling up.

After what seemed liked an eternity of waiting, I was told by the doctor that all additional tests came back normal. There was no cancer found in my body. I was beyond thankful and relieved. I know that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes we get answers we don’t want to hear. But, we have to trust that when things turn out good, God is good, and when things turn out differently than we hoped, God is still good. (Psalm 136:1) He does not change. (Hebrews 13:8) If my test results had returned positive I would have held onto my belief that God remains the same, and everything brought into my life, good or bad, can always be used for His Glory, if I surrender to His will. (Romans 8:28)

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Storms come and go. Some storms linger and some storms pass. Sometimes through the storm we find it easy to cling to Christ and trust Him.  Sometimes through the storm our thoughts wander, and we doubt that God is going to keep His promises. Every storm is difficult to endure, but when we surrender our fears to Jesus and He becomes our refuge in the storm, we can “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that they can produce endurance, character, and hope” (Romans 5:3-5) and we can come out of the storm stronger. I pray that every storm I weather will be used to draw me to a stronger faith in Christ. He is my strong and firm foundation and He can not be shaken through any storm.

 

“Mom, Who Do I Look Like?”

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“There was a little girl, who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
And when she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad she was horrid.”
(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

This is Rachael, my ten year old, blond-haired, blue-eyed little girl. She has one of the biggest smiles and personalities I know. She wears her heart on her sleeve and it’s never hard to figure out what she’s thinking or feeling. And if you can’t figure it out, she’s sure to tell you in her sweet and kind ten year old voice, or her madder than mad, you better get out of my way or you’ll end up hurt, voice. (We are working on the latter aspect of her personality) There’s never a dull moment with this child and she’s never afraid to speak exactly what’s on her mind. In fact, just the other day, after making her lunch she told me, “Mom, you should try out for that show, “Worst cooks in America, you’d have a good chance of winning $25,000 and a new kitchen set from Kohls!” I couldn’t help but laugh because she was one-hundred percent, sweetly serious.

A few years ago, in the morning, while I was blow-drying her hair to get her ready for pre-school, she stood in front of the mirror, studying herself, and said to me, “Mom, who do you think I look like?” Instead of responding I decided to ask her the rhetorical question, “Rachael, who do you think you look like?” Without a moment of hesitation, she simply stated, “Well, mom, I think I look exactly like George Washington!”

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Ok, I’m going to admit that kind of took me by surprise!? I knew for certain she wasn’t going to say she looked like me. But George Washington was the last person I would have considered. I thought she would state the obvious, that with her blue-eyes and blond-hair she looked just like her dad. Or maybe even her older brother, Steven, who has the same color hair and eyes, but I definitely wasn’t expecting George!!?

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This conversation still makes me laugh today and I like to tease Rachael and ask her if she still thinks she looks like the Father of her country. But this conversation also makes me think, who do I want Rachael to look like? Who do I want people to see when they look at Rachael, and not only Rachael, but my other kids, and myself included. Wouldn’t it be great if they could look at us and say, they look like their Father, they have His eyes…

“Eyes that find the good in things
When good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help
When help just can’t be found
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain
Knowin’ what you’re going through,
and feeling it the same…”
(Amy Grant – “Father’s Eyes”)

Rachael, I think it’s great that at one point in your life you thought you resembled George Washington. I don’t think there are too many little girls who have stood in front of the mirror and announced, “I look just like George!”  It made me laugh. You make me laugh. And I pray that as you grow in your relationship with the Lord that you will desire to strive to look just like your Father in heaven.

Beautiful Chaos

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This picture can serve as a good representation of my life as a mother. Chaos!

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I’m not even sure who took the picture. Maybe the store manager to warn his employees not to let us back into the store.

My oldest child, Tommy, is obviously mad at something. Rachael is out of control flying her cart into who knows what and in the process taking out whatever is in her path. Leah looks like she’s trying to be on her best behavior, and then Steven is MIA. Chaos. Not at all what I pictured our quick stop at the grocery store to look like!

When we walked into the store the girls asked if they could have a cart. In my head I had the image of a nice, calm, shopping adventure in which they wanted to help out. How cute! In the end I’m very surprised we didn’t hear an announcement on the loud speaker asking us to leave the store.

This photograph can also help to sum up my days of Motherhood.

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My kids and I were sitting down enjoying a wonderful breakfast together, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, the table collapsed, fell apart, and that was the end of breakfast.

I’ve made plans. I’ve had dreams. I’ve had visions of how my life as a mother would play out. Only to realize that sometimes, no matter how hard I try, life can get very chaotic, and the best of schedules can give way, crumble, and leave me wondering if I’m really doing things right!

I’ve missed appointments, even though I have them written down on the calendar AND in my phone. I’ve forgotten about early dismissal days at school. I’ve locked my keys in the car way too many times to count. In fact, the last time I did that, the guy arrived to help me out and I realized it was the same guy from the time before. After a few minutes he did a double take and said, “Hey! Didn’t I help you out about two weeks ago on the opposite side of the street?” I was hoping he wouldn’t remember me!

I’ve closed the door to the house only to realize I just locked everybody out. I’ve sent my oldest to school with a brown paper bag full of onions instead of a brown paper bag full of lunch (I’ll explain that in another post!) I’ve run over bicycles left in the driveway. I’ve gotten lost on my way to gymnastic meets and basketball games more times then I’d like to admit. The list could go on and on. But, needless to say, I don’t have it all together! I’m always rushing from one place to the next wondering how I’m going to get it all done. I’m constantly trying to make sure Tommy, Steven, Leah, and Rachael have what they need and get to where they need to go. My house is always loud with children talking, yelling, laughing, fighting. And if that isn’t enough there’s always friends, nieces, nephews, and babies that need care.

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Chaos! But, I’m learning to love it. Because one day I know the Chaos will turn to quiet . There won’t be clothes on the floor, hand prints on the walls, dishes piled in the sink, homework to finish, and lunches to be made. The house will be too quiet and too clean and I’ll be left wondering, “how did they grow up so fast?”

So in the time being, in the chaos, I smile, I embrace it, I thank God for it. I look for the magnificent in the mess and the splendor in the silliness.

And it’s in the morning, when I walk into my child’s room to wake her up, that I find her artwork,

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And for the moment, the mistakes I’ve made and will make as a mother vanish, and I get that small glimmer of hope that I just might be doing things right. And I thank Christ for the privilege of being a mother and I realize that He truly can “make the chaos a chorus.”