Tag Archives: Christian Faith

Goliath

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I love the story of David, the little shepherd boy who defeated Goliath. There were these big men, trained soldiers, who went out to face Goliath and couldn’t derail him. But yet, when David, who was just a child, went to battle against the giant he slayed him using only a sling and five little stones.

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When the soldiers confronted Goliath, they saw Goliath. Their discussion centered around Goliath. He was their fear, their focus. When David went out to face Goliath he talked about God. Not Goliath, but God. God was His Focus. Does he see Goliath? Of course! You can’t not see him. But he doesn’t key in on him. He lifts his eyes to the only One who can thwart the giant.

If, for just one second, David removed His eyes from the Victor and saw the enemy, he would have been consumed by His fears. He would have noticed that he was just a little boy facing a massive monster. His cry would not have been a battle cry but a cry to retreat. David left his eyes trained on the Champion who could win the war. David was “God-focused, not giant-focused.”

Our enemy would like nothing else than to see us get up each morning, only to fall under the fear of our giants. Our Goliath may not come to us in “flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12) but he waves swords of defeat, shame, guilt, depression. He walks “through your office, your bedroom, your classroom. He brings bills you can’t pay, grades you can’t make, people you can’t please, whiskey you can’t resist, pornography you can’t refuse, a career you can’t escape, a past you can’t shake, and a future you can’t face.” (Max Lucado) Goliath wants to be the first thing we think about in the morning and the last thing we worry about in the evening. But I’m not willing to give in to that. I want to see God more. I want to start my day with God, not with Goliath. I want to end my day with God, not with the giant.

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My Goliath may come and go or he might not ever be removed. But I know, I have a choice. I can either buckle under the intimidation of Goliath or I can look past the giant, focus on the God of angel armies, and wait in thankful anticipation knowing that the “battle belongs to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 17:47)

(Inspired by 1st Samuel 17 and the Book, Facing Your Giants, by Max Lucado)

The Sunflower

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Every day God is so good to give us reminders of who He is and who we are as His children. I’m learning that if I’m actively looking for Him, He is there! Always ready to reveal Himself. This afternoon when I was driving Leah and Rachael home from school we drove past two giant sunflowers. They were absolutely beautiful. To my surprise, Leah, didn’t share my same point of view and voiced her opinion about the sunflower. She told me she thought they were ugly. “What!?”  I said, “Leah, do you know why I think the sunflower is so cool?” Without getting too scientific, (re-calling what I learned as a little girl, and not what I can find on the internet about “solar-tracking” and the misconception of sunflowers), I told her how the sunflower follows the sun.

As soon as the morning breaks, the sunflower is basking in the warmth of the sun. Throughout the day it moves with the sun. From sunrise to sunset, it is always facing the sun. It doesn’t leave the sun’s presence. What happens to the flower if it doesn’t follow the sun? It won’t thrive. It will start to fall over, slump, droop. If the flower is deprived from the sun, its beauty will start to fade. Without the sun there is no flourishing flower.

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And it took just a moment, for God to whisper to me, “This is how I want you to live.” Whether it’s myth or legend, the sunflower reminds me of the perfect example, the exact visual of what God desires His children to do with His Son. We are to be Son followers. In the morning hours we should wake with the Son. We should Seek His presence and soak up His rays. From sunrise to sunset, our “eyes should be fixed on the Author and Perfecter” of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2) In the warmth of the Son we will find great pleasure and satisfaction. “Planted in the House of the Lord, we will flourish.” (Psalm 92:13)

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the LIGHT of His glory and Grace.”

Tommy’s Surgery

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“When everything seems to be going wrong, refuse to get discouraged. Remember that I am a God of surprises; I am not limited by the way things are or by the paltry possibilities you can see. I am infinitely creative and powerful.” (Jesus Today)

I know there are far worse things Tommy could be going through than a second knee surgery. But, to a 17 year old, who just, eleven months earlier endured the pain of an ACL injury, reconstructive surgery, and months of physical therapy in order to get back on the football field, it is frustrating.

As I sat in the waiting room, the same waiting room I was in less than a year ago, I knew the procedure was turning out to be more than just his meniscus. The minutes dragged on, and soon a half hour became an hour, and an hour became two, and when it came close to three hours my heart was hurting for my son. A three hour knee surgery isn’t a good sign.

Finally, the procedure was over and while we were waiting for Tommy to “wake-up,” the doctor told us that he had found and repaired small tears in both of Tommy’s menisci. He also had to revise the ACL with a cadaver graft and remove the previous screw from his tibia. Thankfully, he was able to work around the screw in his femur, and now Tommy has a few more screws and a washer to hold his ACL firmly in place. We were also told his cartilage is already showing signs of arthritis.

As the doctor was talking I was thinking about Tommy, and how, right before he went into surgery he said to me, “When you find out it’s just my meniscus will you please text coach and let him know.” I was worried how he would mentally feel when he found out that this was not the surgery he wanted. We had prayed over and over again that when the doctor operated he would find Tommy’s ACL perfectly intact and only have to fix a small tear in his meniscus. We wanted a simple surgery and a short recovery process. I was worried that Tommy was going to feel discouraged and disappointed not only with the outcome, but with God. Wondering why, after we had prayed so hard for different results, He would allow Tommy to go through this again. Another extensive surgery. Months of physical therapy. And another football season lost. It was hard not to feel disappointed for Tommy. Defeat was written all over his face.

It’s tempting to ask God the question, “Why?” But, we don’t. We haven’t questioned His plan, because when this injury first occurred we knew the outcome was already in God’s hands. So yes, of course we prayed it would be a simple surgery, but we also knew we were praying with tunnel vision. God’s plan would come to be, not our simple plan. We can’t even began to grasp the mind of Christ and the plans He has for us and for Tommy. But we are certain they are “plans for good,” (Jeremiah 29:11) even when we don’t understand the path He is leading us down. We trust He is a loving and faithful God. Always present. Always waiting for us to seek Him. To find Him. And when we look, He is there. Waiting with His surprises, creativity, and power. So, instead of asking why, we wait. We wait with thanksgiving, with anticipation, knowing that God can use Tommy’s disappointment to reveal God’s glory in a way that we can’t even fathom or imagine.

Thanks to all who prayed, texted, or emailed before, during, and after Tommy’s surgery.

Waiting, Patiently Waiting Part I

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“Wait patiently for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

Wait patiently? That seems like an oxymoron!? I don’t like to wait. In fact, I don’t know many people who enjoy waiting. Waiting is the last thing we seem to have time for when immediate gratification is at our fingertips. But yet, God instructs us to wait, and not only wait, but wait patiently.

Recently, I’ve been reminded just how much of life consists of waiting. Every day, every week, every month, every year we are left waiting. Waiting for a new promotion, waiting for health to be restored, waiting for a second chance, waiting for reconciliation in a relationship, waiting for test results, waiting to overcome hardships, struggles, addictions, and so on and so on. How do we find the strength to wait patiently for the Lord?

I was given the perfect imagery for this waiting process when I went out to water our little herb plants. (How they’ve survived under my care is a great mystery. I wasn’t given a green thumb and my kids are convinced that I can kill a plant just by looking at it!) But on this day, camouflaged in the parsley, I found this little creature nibbling it’s way up the herb. How Beautiful! He was perfect! Stunning! I was amazed at God’s handiwork and the intrinsic designs on this caterpillar.

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 When I showed him to my girls, of course, they wanted to put him in a jar and create the ideal habitat for him to wrap himself into a cocoon.

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We watched as he scarfed down the parsley and climbed his way to the perfect spot on the twig. We even noticed as he maneuvered into an awkward position and spun his first piece of silk.

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Within the next few hours we saw him transform from a remarkable caterpillar into a cocoon.

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A cocoon that is now far from beautiful. It appears ugly and worn. Where is the artistry, the elegance, the grace?  This is the waiting. The point in which life is put on hold. Limbo. Knowing what once was, but not sure of what’s to come. The waiting. A hard stop in life. Waiting.

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“What will it look like? What will it be like? When my world turns out like you planned. When will I get there? Feels like I’m nowhere. My dreams are like dust in my hand. But I know, this is the waiting. I anxiously wait, as I hold on to love that won’t ever let go, and in these times when my patience is tested, won’t you remind me that I’m not alone, here in the waiting.” (Jamie Grace)

Waiting, Waiting Patiently for Part II

“10,000 Reasons”

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Today I woke up thinking these words, “The sun comes up, It’s a new day dawning, It’s time to sing Your song again, Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes.”

It’s been another hard week for us as we mourn the death of Grandma Marie Ryan.  She was a big part of our lives and words can not express how greatly we will miss her.  I am thankful for the time we were able to share with her in this life, and I am so thankful that I know and believe, “God’s name is Great and His heart is kind. For all His goodness I will keep on singing, Ten Thousand reasons for my heart to find.” He is the blessed controller of all things. “Sing like never before, O my soul, I’ll worship Your holy name.”

The next few days will be very hard as we attend Grandma’s viewing and funeral but it just reminds us once again, this world is not our home, we are just passing through, patiently awaiting our real home, heaven and eternity with Jesus. “Still my soul will sing Your praise unending, Ten thousand years and then forevermore. I’ll worship your holy name, Jesus I’ll worship  your holy name.”

Finally Home

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At around midnight on June 1st, 2013 my Aunt took her last breath and flew away to Heaven.

“Just think of stepping on shore – And finding it Heaven!

Of touching a hand – And finding it God’s!

Of breathing new air- And finding it celestial!

Of waking up in glory- And finding it Home!”

It’s hard to find the words to express what it feels like to sit with someone who is dying. During the days of May 25th-June 2nd my Aunt’s family tried to have someone with Aunt Marge around the clock. We all took turns spending time with her, sitting with her, just being with her.

Aunt Marge in Nursing School
Aunt Marge in Her Brother’s Wedding

It was an odd feeling. We were not sitting with her helping her fight for her life. We were not holding her hand and hoping that she would recover and go on living. We didn’t have the hope that she would get better.  Instead, we were sitting by her bedside knowing that the end was drawing near.  How do we sit by the side of a loved one that has no hope to get better. No hope to pull through. No hope to improve. No Hope for this life. But Hope. HOPE. Miraculous Hope. Hope in Salvation. Hope in Eternity. Hope in a new Home. Hope in a new life. Hope in Jesus Christ.  Hope that “one day in His courts is better than thousand’s elsewhere” (Psalm 84:10). Hope that “precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of one of his saints”(Psalm 116:15). Hope that “He prepares a place for us and when it is ready He will call us home,”  (John 14) And although we mourned this last week and will mourn in the weeks to come, we mourn with hope!

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible

When I think back to the last several days with Aunt Marge and wonder how her husband, her daughter, her sister, and brother-in-law, her nieces and nephews were able to endure her approaching death, I will remember that it was because of our hope and faith in Jesus Christ and eternity. When we took our turns to be with Marge, she was unable to communicate, so we simply held her hand, told her we loved her, prayed for her, cried for her, read scripture to her, played hymns for her.  We sat in the presence of our Savior, her Savior. Sometimes, we wondered why He wasn’t calling her home when, to us, it looked obvious that she needed to go. Doctors and nurses would tell us what they thought, maybe days, maybe hours, 72 hours, 48 hours, maybe weeks. And we would wonder. And we would tell her “to go home.” But then,  we would realize no one knows! Only God. And her life is in His hands, and only when each and every detail is in place and her job on earth is done He would take her home. And while her job on earth ended last night and God called her home, her testimony, her hope, her faith, her love for Jesus Christ will go on. Her legacy of faith will continue to reach generation after generation.

This week, I had the privilege of seeing a living example of 1 Corinthians 13:13, “now faith, hope, and love remain – these three things.”  Our faith in Jesus, our hope in eternity, and our love in Jesus Christ and for our family. These things remain.

Underlined in Aunt Marge's Bible

Underlined in Aunt Marge’s Bible – Her Favorite Verse

Update on my Aunt – I’ll Fly Away

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Each day seems to get harder and harder. Yesterday seemed to be especially hard. I spent most of the day at the hospital, with my Uncle Gus, his daughter, Anne, and her husband Brad, my mom and dad, and my sister.

Aunt Marge’s breathing seems to have changed, it has become shallow and labored. Her color has also changed. At four o’clock yesterday she was moved from the hospital back to her old room at the nursing home. Her room at the home is very comfortable and it has an extra bed. Anne (and maybe Gus) stayed with her through the night last night.

When we were with her yesterday her breathing seemed to be even more labored and by the evening she was running a fever of 102.5 and her pulse was also very fast.

My daughter Leah wanted to go with me to the nursing home last night so she could say goodbye to Aunt Marge. Leah and my other daughter, Rachael,  have been very faithful in praying for Aunt Marge and visiting her.

So, last night we played music for her. She is a very gifted piano player. (In fact, even with the disease of Alzheimer’s, we could sit her down at the piano, name any hymn and she could play it. One time, Leah, Rachael, and I brought an old hymnal to the nursing home because we were having trouble coming up with different songs for her to play. We could pick any song from the hymnal and she would know it without looking at the music or the words.)

Last night, we held her hand, we prayed with her, and we told her she could “go home.”  Many people are waiting for her in heaven, her mom and dad, her brother Jim, and his wife, Grace, but most importantly Jesus.

On the way home from the nursing home, Leah looked at me through tears and said, “Mom, even though I don’t know Aunt Marge very well I still love her so much. She has taught me that even through troubled times I can still trust Jesus.”

Thank you Aunt Marge.  Even through your sickness and pain, your light for Jesus still shines through to my daughters and me.

It was hard to leave the home last night and I’m anxious to get back there this morning.

I’ll Fly Away

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I was hoping to race during the Memorial day weekend. I was debating about driving to Portage, Indiana and running a 12k trail race or testing my speed and doing a small neighborhood 5k in Villa Park. I had eventually decided on the 12k and was really excited. As many of you know, I’ve been injured and unable to race for a few months. I thought the trail race would be a good opportunity to introduce my legs to racing again without the pressure of the clock. The first race back is always the hardest (and sometimes the most humbling) so I figured the 12k would be an easier way to shock my body into the reality of racing.

I woke up Monday morning and I really wasn’t in racing mode. The thought did cross my mind that maybe it wasn’t a smart idea because my foot isn’t 100% healed and I am just getting over a pretty bad respiratory infection. Despite these things I know I still could have raced, but I didn’t want to, not on Saturday, or Sunday, or even yesterday. Over the weekend, more immediate issues far out-weighed running. Don’t get me wrong, obviously running is a big part of my life and I love training and racing. But, as of last Friday, May 24th, my heart and mind have been with my Aunt.

Not just any Aunt, but one of my favorite Aunts. My Aunt Marge. She has been in my life for as long as I can remember. She has faithfully prayed for me and my family over the years. She has shown me what a life lived for Christ resembles. She doesn’t just talk about her faith but she lives her faith. My Aunt, who still remembers the name of Jesus, but no longer remembers my name, or who I am, or how we are related. My aunt who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

My Aunt, who, while living at the nursing home, lost her balance and fell on four occasions. The fourth fall being extremely bad. She was not very responsive last Thursday and Friday while my mom and I, along with her husband, visited her. She was taken to the emergency room Friday morning, where we learned that both sides of her brain were bleeding and it was not in her best interest to under-go surgery.

At least for me, reality didn’t sink in until Saturday. I went back to the hospital to visit her and the realization struck that she would never walk again, or talk again, or enjoy food, or be able to refresh her thirst. She would never get out of bed again.

She was put under hospice care, and the goal of hospice is not to prolong her life in the most comfortable of ways, but rather keep her comfortable until her time on earth is over.

Sunday night the Doctor said she has approximately 4-5 days left. But yet, they don’t really know. And although we mourn, we “mourn with hope.”  (1 Thess. 4:13-18) We know and believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is awaiting her home in heaven. She is going “home on God’s celestial shores, like a bird from prison bars has flown, she’ll fly away, just a few more weary days, and then she’ll fly away.” Home, free, restored, renewed. Home.

I know that it’s not my time to fly away from life’s pain and struggles, but I can run. And it’s in these moments of life that I like to run in solitude and in silence. It’s on these runs, where I don’t focus on running, but I focus on my thoughts, my emotions, my sadness, my anger, my joy, my confusion, and I ask questions and sometimes I find answers and sometimes I don’t. But somehow, pounding the pavement during these times, allows my mind to focus on Christ and meet with Him and life’s problems become a little easier to face.

I’ve run every day since Friday. I know that’s not a big deal. But yet, on every single one of these runs I have thought of my beloved Aunt Marge wasting away in her hospital bed, unable to move and unable to communicate and I pray that I won’t take the simple pleasure of running and a healthy body and a sound mind for granted.

And soon, my Aunt on “some glad morning, when her life is over, she’ll fly away, to a land where joy shall never end. She’ll fly away.”

Memorial Day – This is a Soldier

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In honor of our Military and all the sacrifices they have made and continue to make I wanted to share the following statistics that were printed in Community Fellowship’s Bulletin, Sunday May 26th, as well as the video they played at the end of the Church Service.

“Did you know…?

– There are over 425,000 veterans in the greater Chicago area alone and over 2 million people in Illinois who are members of a military family

– Over 300,000 vets suffer from PTSD and many of them do not seek treatment

– About 67,000 vets will be homeless tonight and twice that many will experience homelessness at some point this year

– The unemployment rate of veterans is significantly higher than the national average

– A veteran takes his/her life every 80 minutes”

I hope that as a Church we will never stop praying for our veterans and soldiers. May we always remember to honor the sacrifices that they have made and continue to make to keep our country free. May we also never forget the adversities and afflictions that many of them encounter. And may we always be forever thankful…

“THIS IS A SOLDIER”

This is a Soldier

Beautiful Chaos

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This picture can serve as a good representation of my life as a mother. Chaos!

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I’m not even sure who took the picture. Maybe the store manager to warn his employees not to let us back into the store.

My oldest child, Tommy, is obviously mad at something. Rachael is out of control flying her cart into who knows what and in the process taking out whatever is in her path. Leah looks like she’s trying to be on her best behavior, and then Steven is MIA. Chaos. Not at all what I pictured our quick stop at the grocery store to look like!

When we walked into the store the girls asked if they could have a cart. In my head I had the image of a nice, calm, shopping adventure in which they wanted to help out. How cute! In the end I’m very surprised we didn’t hear an announcement on the loud speaker asking us to leave the store.

This photograph can also help to sum up my days of Motherhood.

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My kids and I were sitting down enjoying a wonderful breakfast together, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, the table collapsed, fell apart, and that was the end of breakfast.

I’ve made plans. I’ve had dreams. I’ve had visions of how my life as a mother would play out. Only to realize that sometimes, no matter how hard I try, life can get very chaotic, and the best of schedules can give way, crumble, and leave me wondering if I’m really doing things right!

I’ve missed appointments, even though I have them written down on the calendar AND in my phone. I’ve forgotten about early dismissal days at school. I’ve locked my keys in the car way too many times to count. In fact, the last time I did that, the guy arrived to help me out and I realized it was the same guy from the time before. After a few minutes he did a double take and said, “Hey! Didn’t I help you out about two weeks ago on the opposite side of the street?” I was hoping he wouldn’t remember me!

I’ve closed the door to the house only to realize I just locked everybody out. I’ve sent my oldest to school with a brown paper bag full of onions instead of a brown paper bag full of lunch (I’ll explain that in another post!) I’ve run over bicycles left in the driveway. I’ve gotten lost on my way to gymnastic meets and basketball games more times then I’d like to admit. The list could go on and on. But, needless to say, I don’t have it all together! I’m always rushing from one place to the next wondering how I’m going to get it all done. I’m constantly trying to make sure Tommy, Steven, Leah, and Rachael have what they need and get to where they need to go. My house is always loud with children talking, yelling, laughing, fighting. And if that isn’t enough there’s always friends, nieces, nephews, and babies that need care.

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Chaos! But, I’m learning to love it. Because one day I know the Chaos will turn to quiet . There won’t be clothes on the floor, hand prints on the walls, dishes piled in the sink, homework to finish, and lunches to be made. The house will be too quiet and too clean and I’ll be left wondering, “how did they grow up so fast?”

So in the time being, in the chaos, I smile, I embrace it, I thank God for it. I look for the magnificent in the mess and the splendor in the silliness.

And it’s in the morning, when I walk into my child’s room to wake her up, that I find her artwork,

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And for the moment, the mistakes I’ve made and will make as a mother vanish, and I get that small glimmer of hope that I just might be doing things right. And I thank Christ for the privilege of being a mother and I realize that He truly can “make the chaos a chorus.”