Tag Archives: running

The Million Dollar Running Foot

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“The Million Dollar Foot” versus “The Million Dollar Arm.” In the movie, “The Million Dollar Arm,” 38,000 Indian hopefuls showed up for a shot at the American big leagues and a $100,000 prize. Rinku Singh won the contest and the runner-up was Dinesh Patel. Both were brought over to America to be developed and trained into MLB stars. This is in contrast to the million dollar foot. I feel as if I have actually given away a million dollars in time and money in order to heal my foot. In the last couple of years I have not developed into a better runner. I have not trained since 2014 and my last race was in April of 2014. The million dollar arm racked up money while the million dollar foot lost both time and money.

However, the good news is, that eleven months after surgery my achilles is ONE-HUNDRED percent healed. The scar from surgery is almost invisible. And although there is still a little swelling around the achilles, the recent MRI shows that there isn’t any build-up of scar tissue and all looks good. Boy, do I want to run!!

Unfortunately, I still can’t go out and pound the pavement. The reason I had to have another MRI is because I am still having pain along my foot. The MRI revealed that I have some other issues going on, the biggest one includes acute FHL tenosynovitis. The FHL tendon lies deep behind the achilles tendon and tendonitis in this tendon is usually seen quite frequently in ballet dancers. Thus, it has become known as dancer’s tendonitis.

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For anyone who knows me, they would agree that I am quite clumsy. While I am pretty good at running in a straight line I also tend to trip and fall A LOT, and it’s usually on smooth pavement!? So obviously, I am not a person who emulates elegance, grace, or rhythm. So unless I’ve been BALLET DANCING in my sleep, both the doctor and I are a bit confused why there is such a collection of inflammation and fluid around this tendon.

I just received a cortisone injection and will start physical therapy tomorrow in hopes that this new issue of pain will resolve. I am also scheduled to see another foot and ankle specialist the first week of March. I want to have a second opinion to make sure everything on the MRI was interpreted correctly and that this is the best course of action.

Lastly, I was told once again to REST. It’s hard for me to rest. I like being active. I like feeling fit and strong. I don’t want to rest. However, it’s been in the resting that I have found a new and closer love and passion for my Savior. I love how Jesus meets us right where we need Him too. I just opened up a small devotional book only to read these words;

“Thank ME for the conditions that are requiring you to be STILL. Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again. Some of the greatest works in MY Kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells. Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for MY way in the midst of these very circumstances. Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to ME. Although, you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in the spiritual realm. My Strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness.” (Jesus Calling)

I know there are many people struggling with far worse ordeals than an injured foot, but God keeps reminding me that no matter what the struggle is, He is with us ALWAYS and if we are willing to submit to His ways, He will bring us through stronger and closer to Him.

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What Road is Next?

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When I was a little girl, my dad, without even realizing it, was inspiring a dream within my heart. My dad was my hero, there was no better man on earth. He was the kindest, hardest-working,  strongest, bravest, fastest, and most adventurous father a daughter could have.

Whether we were at home or at our cabin in Wisconsin, I remember  watching him get up early to go for a run. He would come back from running excited to tell us his estimated time and distance. In those days, he didn’t have the luxury of a GPS, so later in the week when we were in the car, he would drive the route and clock his distance. He knew how many miles it was from our house to main street or from our house to the high school. He knew it was only a mile from our cabin to the dock or five miles from our cabin to the closest farmhouse.

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Watching him run created in me a strong passion to run. I would ask my dad to time me with his stop watch to see how fast I could run down the street in front of our house. I was so excited when I was old enough to join him on his early morning runs, and I couldn’t wait to be old enough to compete in track meets.  And my dad was there every step of the way. He was at every track meet, cheering me on, telling me to keep pushing, to keep going, to not give up, to run hard all the way through the finish.

Unfortunately, my younger running days consisted of running track only during 7th-9th grade. It was around my sophomore year that I let loose of the dream of running and breaking school records. I left the race. I wandered off the course and for a while I lost sight of the finish line.

My dad was still there, waiting for me, encouraging me, and cheering for me. And years later, I found the race again. However, this time it wasn’t around a track but on the roads. The wide-open roads that held every distance from the mile to the marathon, and I loved them all. But now the roles had switched, my dad was my biggest fan, and he was watching me run and telling me to go after my dream.

Running wasn’t just running to me, it was a gift that God had given to me and an ability that I could use for His glory. I felt that God’s platform for me was being a Christian athlete. I never wanted to use my running to focus on me, but I wanted it to point to God. I wanted Him to use my talent and abilities to make His name known.

That’s why, sitting here this morning, still injured and logging almost nine months of not running makes me tempted to give in to feelings of discouragement, sadness, anger, frustration, and disappointment. I don’t understand why God, in this season, is asking me to die to the race. I don’t understand why He would take something away from me that I longed to use for Him. I know that He could easily heal my foot and I could wake up tomorrow able to run. I don’t understand why He won’t change my circumstances.

Once again, God reminded me to stop and open my eyes and see that He has let me run the race. Time and time again, along the course, He has blessed me with friends, faith, and lessons-learned through wins and losses. But now He is asking me to step off this course. I don’t have to understand His ways, but I need to stop questioning, and I need to surrender and trust that He has a different road for me to follow now. For the time being, I have crossed the finish line and there is a new race ahead. But, I won’t find it if I keep holding onto a dying dream.

This type of surrender is a struggle and if I had my choice I wouldn’t let go of the unfinished business I have on the roads. My dream was to make it to the Olympic Trials. I don’t want to give that up. But, God is asking me to do exactly that, so I must.

In the book “Whatever the Cost,” David Benham says, “stop worrying about where you thought I was going to get you. You’ve made that an idol in your life. Just be faithful to Me. I had made an idol out of the promise, purpose, plan, and platform God had given me for my life. So when things worked out differently than I had envisioned, I found myself reeling, trying to find my identity. All along my identity should’ve rested solely in the Person of God – not in His plan for my life.”

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Although it’s a struggle, I’m walking off the course and waiting to see how God will lead me to the next road.

“God is not going to give you what’s in His hand until you let go of what’s in yours. The issue isn’t, what’s in God’s hand. The issue is, do you trust God to let go of what’s in yours?” (Whatever the Cost)

 

 

 

 

 

No More Running?

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When I first started running competitively, I realized that running could never consume me. It could never become my identity. Who I am in Christ is where I find my identity. Who I am rests in the fact that I am His child, holy and dearly loved. And though He has brought many passions into my life, including running, not one of them is essential. “I can receive His blessings with open hands. Enjoy His good gifts, but I do not cling to them. I must turn my attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that I am complete in Him. The one thing I absolutely need is the One thing that I can never lose: God’s presence with me.” (Jesus Calling) Over the last three years, and more specifically the last seven months, my Sweet Lord has put me to the test in regards to who I am and finding peace in His presence alone.

On December 1st, 2012th, I was at the Memphis Marathon as an invited athlete. It wasn’t a deep field and I was seeded first. I was ready not only to win the race, but run my best marathon time yet. Little did I know that by mile 13, I would walk off the course frustrated and defeated, with a small annoying ache in my achilles. An ache that would eventually side-line me from any serious training and racing. An ache that would not, and has not gone away, for almost three years. An injury, that for the time being, has taken one of my greatest pleasures in life away from me…running.

During 2013 and 2014, it seemed I was going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with my foot and how to correct it. After more than two years of trying physical therapy and every conservative treatment available for achilles pain, I came to the realization that the only hope of curing the pain was to under-go surgery. This was something I wanted to avoid, but considering I couldn’t run or even walk without excruciating pain, I knew it was something that needed to be done.

1-IMG_4608On March 17th, 2015 I went in for achilles debridement surgery, as well as the removal of a bone spur, and a strayer procedure on my calf. I knew this was not going to be an easy surgery or an easy recovery. I had accepted in my mind, to the best of my ability, that after surgery I would not be able to run for at least six to twelve months.

Post-surgery I was relieved that I had taken the final step in curing my foot and I was determined to focus on recovery. I was in a hard cast and on crutches for the first twelve weeks. Of course, I thought about running, but I seemed to be content with not being able to do so. However, there did come a time when I would see someone out running and it would sting a bit. I had to constantly remind myself that healing was in God’s hands, God’s timing, not mine.

When I was finally off the crutches and out of the cast I went directly into the boot for four weeks. I was still doing okay mentally but I kept thinking to myself, “I took me so many hours, so many hard workouts, so much sweat, so much time, to get to the level I was at in the years past.” Would I ever be able to get it back? I found that I was looking back and wishing I could be there. I  longed for the time when running was fun, easy, and fast. I wanted to be in the past, training hard and winning races. Christ, gently nudged me out of the past and reminded me, that while I can look back and miss it, I must not look back and be sad. I must look back and be thankful that I was there, knowing that the past and my experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I must look back and thank Him for the accomplishments I was able to achieve and then bring my focus to today, the present, where I am now, and trust that “He is doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:19)

Through this process, I have asked the question why a thousand times. Why would You take running from me when You know it is a passion of mine? Why would you take this from me when I’ve been able to achieve so much with it? Why would you take this when I have so many friends who are still running and setting new PR’s each year? Why do I have to sit on the side-lines and watch as they go after their goals? Why would you take this from me, especially when I have tried my best to use my running for You, to lift You up and make You known. Why? And I have learned it’s okay to ask the question why. But, I have also learned I can’t get stuck there. It’s not my job to figure out God’s ways. He is in control. It is His plan for my life, not mine. And if, I can glorify God by not running, better than I can glorify Him with running, I will gladly open my hands and release my dreams, my goals, my running to Him.

In so doing, I’ve been able to rest, to stop striving, and to wait for God’s “glorious unfolding.” I do not know what that unfolding means in regards to my running and what the future may hold. There’s a big chance I may never be able to train and race again. I might not even be able to run recreationally. But, whatever the outcome, it’s okay, because I know He can restore my broken and unfinished dreams and He can use them in new and creative ways for His glory. My passion for running is still there, but God is replacing it with an overwhelming passion for Him, to know Him better. I’m finding that the better I know Him, the more I want to know Him, and the more I want others to know Him. He is my biggest passion and I know He is greater than any award I can win through running. And now, “forgetting what lies behind and straining froward to what lies ahead, I press on to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)

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I’ll Fly Away

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I was hoping to race during the Memorial day weekend. I was debating about driving to Portage, Indiana and running a 12k trail race or testing my speed and doing a small neighborhood 5k in Villa Park. I had eventually decided on the 12k and was really excited. As many of you know, I’ve been injured and unable to race for a few months. I thought the trail race would be a good opportunity to introduce my legs to racing again without the pressure of the clock. The first race back is always the hardest (and sometimes the most humbling) so I figured the 12k would be an easier way to shock my body into the reality of racing.

I woke up Monday morning and I really wasn’t in racing mode. The thought did cross my mind that maybe it wasn’t a smart idea because my foot isn’t 100% healed and I am just getting over a pretty bad respiratory infection. Despite these things I know I still could have raced, but I didn’t want to, not on Saturday, or Sunday, or even yesterday. Over the weekend, more immediate issues far out-weighed running. Don’t get me wrong, obviously running is a big part of my life and I love training and racing. But, as of last Friday, May 24th, my heart and mind have been with my Aunt.

Not just any Aunt, but one of my favorite Aunts. My Aunt Marge. She has been in my life for as long as I can remember. She has faithfully prayed for me and my family over the years. She has shown me what a life lived for Christ resembles. She doesn’t just talk about her faith but she lives her faith. My Aunt, who still remembers the name of Jesus, but no longer remembers my name, or who I am, or how we are related. My aunt who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

My Aunt, who, while living at the nursing home, lost her balance and fell on four occasions. The fourth fall being extremely bad. She was not very responsive last Thursday and Friday while my mom and I, along with her husband, visited her. She was taken to the emergency room Friday morning, where we learned that both sides of her brain were bleeding and it was not in her best interest to under-go surgery.

At least for me, reality didn’t sink in until Saturday. I went back to the hospital to visit her and the realization struck that she would never walk again, or talk again, or enjoy food, or be able to refresh her thirst. She would never get out of bed again.

She was put under hospice care, and the goal of hospice is not to prolong her life in the most comfortable of ways, but rather keep her comfortable until her time on earth is over.

Sunday night the Doctor said she has approximately 4-5 days left. But yet, they don’t really know. And although we mourn, we “mourn with hope.”  (1 Thess. 4:13-18) We know and believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is awaiting her home in heaven. She is going “home on God’s celestial shores, like a bird from prison bars has flown, she’ll fly away, just a few more weary days, and then she’ll fly away.” Home, free, restored, renewed. Home.

I know that it’s not my time to fly away from life’s pain and struggles, but I can run. And it’s in these moments of life that I like to run in solitude and in silence. It’s on these runs, where I don’t focus on running, but I focus on my thoughts, my emotions, my sadness, my anger, my joy, my confusion, and I ask questions and sometimes I find answers and sometimes I don’t. But somehow, pounding the pavement during these times, allows my mind to focus on Christ and meet with Him and life’s problems become a little easier to face.

I’ve run every day since Friday. I know that’s not a big deal. But yet, on every single one of these runs I have thought of my beloved Aunt Marge wasting away in her hospital bed, unable to move and unable to communicate and I pray that I won’t take the simple pleasure of running and a healthy body and a sound mind for granted.

And soon, my Aunt on “some glad morning, when her life is over, she’ll fly away, to a land where joy shall never end. She’ll fly away.”

What’s up with my running?

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I don’t even know where to start? All I know is that it’s been confusing and frustrating! I went from having my best year in 2011 only to follow it up with my worst year ever!? I went from setting new PR’s in every distance, to pretty much setting new, slowest race PR’s in every distance. How does one follow up their best year with their worst year?

 Well, to make a very long story just semi-long, my body needed a break in 2012. I had worked hard in 2010-2011 trying to get to the Olympic Trials (which I missed).  I figured, I had just had my best year ever so why not make 2012 even better. I should have known to back off, that my body needed a rest, (it’s always so much easier to tell other runner’s to back off – but never take the advice myself). I continued, with lots of miles and hard workouts, but  this time never hitting the times I wanted. The dreadful plateau  and the question, “Why am I not improving?” reared its ugly head. Then the next question comes, “Is it that I’m not working hard enough, or am I working too hard.” I always assume the first, (which usually isn’t right!) and I try to force my body to work harder, but it won’t comply, because what I really need is REST! And then instead of improving my times, they start to decline. Over-training… maybe?! Yep!  Dreading each run because my body won’t do what I want it to do. The war taking place between my body and my mind. My mind telling me to “run faster, run harder!” and my legs screaming back, “Stop! We can’t! You must let us rest!” 

However,  I really wanted to make it to the December 2012th Memphis Marathon! I had just run a very relaxed, stress-free, felt good the entire time, 2:58 training run at the Chicago marathon in October, and I wanted Memphis to be my best marathon yet.  But, no matter what I wanted, my workouts felt hard, my body felt tired, my mind was telling me “I don’t want to run,”  and my legs felt like lead weights. I figured I just needed to hit the taper time 2 weeks before the marathon and I’d recover and be fresh and ready to run a new marathon PR!

Well, that didn’t happen. In fact, I couldn’t even make it through the marathon. I was done at 13.1. Actually, I knew as early as the 3rd mile, (with tired quads) that my legs and body were going to have a tough time hitting 2:46-2:48, let alone finish. Stopping at the half-way point was probably the worst feeling I’ve ever had.

When I was trying to make it to the trials, I dropped out of Chicago, but, in my mind, I had good reason – I knew I wasn’t going to hit 2:46 and I wanted to save it for another day. My goal wasn’t to JUST finish – I wanted to finish in a qualifying time and I didn’t want to put the extra mileage on my (getting older) body if I wasn’t going to hit my ultimate goal. And, at mile 21-22 I dropped from the Monumental Marathon in Indianapolis because of a damaged calf muscle. There was no reason for me to cross the finish line not making it to the trails and walking away injured and done for the rest of the year.

But, in Memphis I just stopped.  I quit without a legitimate reason, except that I was tired and I couldn’t possibly imagine doing the death shuffle from mile 9 to mile 26.2. I quit. My mind told my body that I couldn’t do it and obviously, my body agreed, and gave in. Worst feeling ever! How embarrassing! I’m a runner and runner’s don’t quit, they work through the pain, they crawl to the finish if they have to, but they never ever give up. But, I did!

It was hard to process what happened. All I know, is that I was having a very difficult time hitting my goal pace the first three miles, and then by mile 10, I was struggling to maintain what should have been a very easy pace for me. It felt like something was terribly wrong, but the only thing I could say was, “I was just too tired!”

Immediately,  after getting home from Memphis I scheduled a doctor’s appointment. I knew my fatigue wasn’t normal, and sure enough my blood work came back showing anemia. Maybe that would help to soften the blow of NOT finishing, but it didn’t. And then, I went to the Orthopedic doctor, who told me I had achilles tendonitis/micro tears. BUT still, I QUIT! How frustrating!

Thankfully, (hopefully) there will be other races, and now that I know the awful, upsetting, feeling of quitting  that won’t happen again. I WILL crawl to the finish line if I have to, but I will never allow my mind to convince my body to quit!

As of now, concerning my injury, I had an MRI  a couple of weeks ago and it showed that my achilles is free of any micro-tearing. However, it does show that I have calcaneous bursitis, basically swelling and fluid in the bursa sac that sits at the attachment of the achilles tendon. It’s quiet painful, but I’ve been cleared to run, with the philosophy, “less is more!” And I now must face a fact, that I’ve known about, but have been able to  ignore since I was about  16 years old. My left leg is 1/2 an inch or more shorter than my right leg. A fact that would be good in reference to the question, “Tell us something unique/weird about you?” I have a short leg! Ha. Well, not so funny now, because as I’m getting older, the discrepancy in length seems to be getting worse and it’s messing up my running mechanics, causing me to swing my right foot out just enough to land wrong, twisting my achilles, and irritating my heel and tendons. In fact, my right leg and hip have stopped doing their job, leaving that leg, almost, completely useless and making my left leg do all the work. This is where a three-legged dog comes to mind. Ha. He’s missing a leg so the other legs take up the slack. My right leg/hip isn’t working properly so my left leg is doing the best it can to take over for both legs.

Thankfully, I have a great Physical Therapist  and we are determined to find a solution. It may be as simple as strengthening my right hip or getting orthotics. So, while I’m glad my achilles is healed I still must face my messed up body-mechanics! However, I’m thankful I’ve been able to run off and on since December, and I’m determined to be racing later this year…with both legs! ( ;

 

“A few of our Favorite Things”

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chris6Working and working and working some more,
Going on business trips and to meetings galore.
Coaching my boys in my free time,
Paying for gymnastics with my very last dime.
Loving a home where children’s laughter rings,
These are a few of Chris’ favorite things.

familyWondering how many miles to run in a day,
Driving the family taxi without any pay.
Spending the day with four kids and their friends,
Enjoying this time for soon it will end.
Never knowing what the new day brings
These are a few of Suzanne’s favorite things.

tomWearing shorts all year without feeling a draft,
Filming Lego movies and living on Minecraft.
Playing football my opponents beware,
Getting ready for school with little time to spare.
Reminding Mom “don’t clip my wings”
These are a few of Tommy’s favorite things.

steve 4Playing basketball and baseball and football non-stop,
Hanging with Tommy, my sisters, and Pop.
Talking and talking no detail left out,
Reading and writing, subjects I could do without.
Trading my lunch for snacks my friends bring,
These are a few of Steven’s favorite things.

leahLoving the summer and days at the pool,
Being the fastest kid at the school.
Getting challenged to races during recess,
Wearing cute clothes but never a dress.
Being able to flip like my legs contain springs,
These are a few of Leah’s favorite things.

raeBeing a gymnast, an actress, and dancer,
Ask me a question, I’ll give the right answer.
Bendalina’s my name I can stretch in weird ways,
Wearing Dad out, I can truly amaze.
Living like a princess for the King of all kings,
These are a few of Rachael’s favorite things.

Mary and Joseph and the Christ Child,
A Savior awaited for quite a long while.
How divine, a beautiful night,
the darkness now filled with a Holy Light.
A gift of Salvation only Jesus brings,
These are a few of our family’s favorite things.

Merry Christmas!

Chicago, thanks for letting me use you for better things to come…

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When I signed up for Chicago it never crossed my mind that I might run it as a training run. First of all, it’s hard for me to run any race, no matter the distance, as JUST a training run. If I’m scheduled to run a race, I want to race! Second of all, when it comes to the marathon the longest training run I’ve done has been 24 miles and I often wondered if that was too long! I’ve never considered running a marathon inside of marathon training.

However, two weeks ago the thought did occur to me so I decided to bring it up to my coach, Carla Hastert. My email to her went something like this, “Would it be a good or bad idea to actually run chicago w/no expectations but just as a training run for CIM? I feel like chicago is my nemisis. But, maybe its not smart to run it even as a part of training. Just a thought though.”

After a couple of days she decided it would be okay. Our only concern was that I had to stick to our “race plan.” If I ended up pushing too hard and trying to “race,” I would blow it for CIM and not be able to recover in time.

This is how she wanted me to run; miles 1-3 were to be at a 7 minute pace, 4-20  she wanted me to run a 6:45 pace, and then the last 10k I would ease back down to 7-7:05 pace. Carla, told me if I ran the marathon according to plan I’d finish in 3 hours or just under.

This was one of the most relaxed marathons I have ever run. In fact, I didn’t feel any of the normal race jitters or anxiety I usually have before a big race. In my mind, Chicago was just my weekend long run. The other nice thing was not having the Olympic Trial time of 2:46 breathing down my back. My goal was simply to run the paces I had been told to run and cross the finish line. And that’s just what I did. I crossed the finish line in 2:58:21. I think my first 1/2 and second 1/2 would have been pretty equal. However, around mile 3, I started to have some stomach issues and by mile 15 I decided to stop. I felt pretty good from 16-19, but then at mile 20 I had to stop again. This would have been devastating if it was my goal race but since it wasn’t, the fact that I had to make 2 stops in the 2nd half wasn’t that big of a deal.

All in all I felt like I ran relaxed, didn’t “push” myself, and stuck the workout. 2 weeks before Chicago I was at 94 miles, the week before Chicago I ran 100 miles (including a long run of 22 miles the Sunday before the marathon). So, being able to run on semi-tired legs and hit the paces I needed to do has helped to build my confidence for CIM when I intend to RACE the marathon.

My Dad’s advice after hearing I ran such high mileage and didn’t taper for the marathon…”Now Suzanne, you should really back off two weeks before CIM, don’t run that much. It wouldn’t be smart and you don’t want your legs to be tired.” Thanks Dad! Planning on doing just that.

My friend’s comment (you know who you are) “I thought you were done with marathons and sticking with 5 and 10ks?!”

My Mom’s comment, “Now Suzanne, is it really that smart to run a marathon in October and then run another one in December. In fact, I thought you said you were done running the marathon?” Mom, once a mileage junkie…always a mileage junkie!Image

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Hoping to Break my Record of Chicago DNF’s and/or not making it to the start line…

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I have a love/hate relationship with the Chicago marathon. Once my favorite marathon and now my Nemesis.

My history with Chicago (and other marathons) goes something like this…

1997 – signed up to run Chicago, my first marathon. At that point, I thought anyone who would spend over 2 hours running on a perfectly gorgeous Saturday morning was insane and taking time out of the weekend to run a 20 miler was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of.

However, I’m a little competitive, so when somebody told me that they doubted I would ever run a marathon, I took that as a challenge. So, averaging 25-30 miles a week and one 20 mile run, I thought I was ready. Honestly, I really didn’t have any desire to run a marathon (I just wanted to prove this guy wrong) and physically I really wasn’t feeling 100%. I was so fatigued, hungry, light-headed, and nauseous. I chalked all these symptoms up to training. However, the night before the marathon my sister- in-law convinced me to do a pregnancy test. Whatever!? I don’t think so. But, just to appease her we drove to the store and bought a test. I took it, and let me tell you, it didn’t even take a second for that thing to register a positive sign. So obviously, I must have done it wrong. There was no way I was pregnant. So, we drove to the store again, this time I bought 3 more tests. After the 4th test and the fourth positive sign I started to believe that I just might be pregnant. Since, this was all new to me, the marathon, the pregnancy, etc. etc. I decided I wasn’t going to “chance” anything and I just wouldn’t run the Chicago.

2001 – I now had 2 boys. A 3 year old and 1 year old. I had been running off and on. I actually started to race some 5ks and was doing pretty well. One of my friends told me he was thinking about doing the 1/2 marathon in Chicago and that I should consider it. Well, of course, if he could do it, I definitely could do it. So, I ran my first 1/2 marathon. My friend also told me he was going to run Chicago. I figured since I had run the 1/2, how bad could the marathon be. I had 3 weeks. When most people are starting to taper I was starting to train. Pushing my boys in a double jogging stroller,  I ran one 20 miler, and one 15 mile run.

I actually made it to the starting line this time and I was completely oblivious when it came to running the marathon. I specifically remember having some guy pass me and say, “We’re almost done! Only a 5k left!” My thought, “A 5k! That’s all I usually run! That’s still a long way to go!” But, 3 hours and 22 minutes later I finished. I finished and I wanted to cry. I’m not sure if I wanted to cry because I was excited or because I was in so much pain. I sat down against a wall and it occurred to me that that was a very bad idea! It took all I had to pick myself back up again. On the way home, I checked the marathon off my list, and swore I’d never do another one!!

2003 – rolled around and I had a group of runners who were training for the marathon. Why not run it again? I had just had my 3rd baby and running (once again) would help me get back into shape. I was doing a little more racing and my goal for the marathon was to finish under 3 hours.  Still not having any idea in regards to pacing a marathon I finished in 3:16. Sub-3 not so much! On the way back to the car I swore I was done with the marathon! No more! I hate the marathon!

(2005 – I had just had my fourth (and last) child when we moved to Memphis. Wanting to get back into shape again, it was easy for the guys I was running with to convince me to run the Memphis marathon. Again, my goal was sub-3. I trained for 6 weeks. My weekly mileage increased from 35-40 miles a week to 50-60 miles. Whoo hoo!

The day of the marathon I knew it was going to be my day…until about mile 18-20 – when I realized I probably shouldn’t have started out so fast and it was coming back to bite me. The last 10k was a death march. 3:06. Finishing 4th overall and 1st Memphis resident and winning cash took some of the pain away.) And this time I swore I WAS going to run another marathon and run under 3 hours.)

2006 – Back to Chicago. I realized after running 3 marathons I needed some sort of training plan to follow. If I was going to run under 3 I needed to train right. So, I got Pete Pftzinger’s book, Advanced Marathoning and followed his 18 week plan of 80 miles a week. I wanted that 2:59:59 and I was going to get it this time! The night before the marathon I talked to a friend who told convinced me to aim for a 2:48, the Olympic trials qualifying mark. The races I had run throughout training indicated that I could probably pull it off. His advice was even if I “blew-up” and didn’t hit 2:48, I’d still run under 3. So I went for it. The first 20-22 miles I zoned out and just ran. I was on pace for a 2:46-2:48. And then w/less than 4 miles to go my body gave out. It just wouldn’t go anymore. My mind was telling my body to keep pushing, but my body just wouldn’t respond. However, I finished in 2:50:51! Sub-3 for sure! I didn’t care about missing the Olympic qualifying mark. I didn’t even really know what that entailed, I was just excited that I ran a 2:50!! Chicago was my best and favorite marathon. (Also in 2006 I won CARA runner of the year – a great end to a great training program!)

2007 – I started working with a coach. I had one year to hit the OT time. I was so close in 2006 it would be ridiculous not to go for it in 2007. So I signed up for Chicago again. And I trained hard, harder than ever. I wanted that 2:47.

After hearing the weather forecasted for race day I wasn’t so sure. (It ended up being a record high and the marathon was eventually stopped because of the heat.) My coach and I decided that I would start the race, but if I ever came to a point where I fell off qualifying pace I’d drop out and I’d save it for another marathon. By mile 6 I knew it was going to be tough. And by mile 11, I knew it wasn’t happening. I walked off the course. That was the first time I quit during a race and settled with a DNF. It was a terrible feeling but I was told it was the right one. I wasn’t running to finish the marathon I was running for a specific time, and because of weather conditions that time wasn’t in my reach. But still, what an awful feeling. After this experience Chicago didn’t seem so great anymore.

(2007 – resumed training after Chicago and went out to CIM. I was probably in the best physical shape of my life but mentally I was burned out. From start to finish the marathon was a struggle – I finished in 2:54. Again, I won CARA runner of the year – but it still didn’t erase the two “bad” marathons I had that year.)

(2008 – 2010 I became a little more clumsy than usually. Suffered 3 different injuries – none of them really running related – but all of them stupidity related. I’ve mentioned before I have a talent of slipping and falling and within these two years some of the falls resulted in broken bones. Not good.)

2010 – Injury free and ready to go, I signed up for Chicago. I still had a bad taste in regards to Chicago after 2007 but that didn’t matter. The Olympic Qualifying window was re-opened and I was ready to go for it. Again, as early as mile 11 I was struggling and by mile 15 I knew there was no way I could hold a 6:20 pace for the rest of the race. At mile 16 I saw my family and walked off the course. Leah, my 9 year old was there, yelling at me, “That’s it!!?? You’re done!? You can’t stop? You have to do this!?” I cried. Feeling that I not only had let myself down, but also my daughter, my 3 other kids, and family, and friends who were following this journey along side me. I couldn’t believe I had just walked off Chicago for a 2nd time. I hate the Chicago Marathon! I will never sign up to run it again!

Whose dream of qualifying for the trials was this anyway. I had so many people telling me I could do it. But, did I really believe that I could do it, did I even want to do it?  Was I just attempting this feat because other people told me I should go for it? And why was running becoming somewhat of a chore? Why was I feeling so much pressure from something that used to be a fun re-creational activity and stress-reliever for me?

2011 – I took some time off and really started to think if I wanted to go after the OT time. I decided when registration opened for Chicago I wasn’t going to sign up. It wasn’t until the end of May 2011 that I realized I needed to do this and I wanted to do this. Registration was closed for Chicago and I figured if I called the race director and he let me in I’d train for a 2:46. Sure enough, he let me in. And I decided from that point forward that as long as the door was open I was going for it. This was my year! I PR’d in almost every race distance. I ran my best 1/2 marathon (on tired legs) and my time indicated that I would be able to run a 2:46 w/the proper taper and fresh legs. And then, 2 weeks before Chicago I TORE my calf muscle. Chicago wasn’t going to happen. In fact, even trying to run an OT time at a different marathon was probably not going to happen. 16 weeks of hard training and all I could show for it was a ripped calf muscle. Whatever it is, bad weather, an injury, etc., etc., Chicago’s proven to be bad luck for me!

(2011 – Chicago came and went. I rested my calf. And then attempted to run an OT time at the Monumental Marathon in Nov 2011. My calf became an issue at mile 22 and I dropped. Now 3 DNF’s for the marathon. The marathon in general was becoming my nemesis. I had one more chance to run an OT time at CIM in Dec of 2011. I knew that my calf was going to be an issue – but I decided to lay it all on the line and see what would happen. By mile 3 I began to feel calf pain and by mile 21 I felt as if my calf was going to explode.  At mile 22 I fell behind the pack of 20-25 girls (most of them finished with a qualifying time) and I had to stop to stretch out my calf before I did irreparable damage. At that point I knew I wasn’t going to qualify but I knew I was going to finish. Even if it meant crawling to the finish line, I wasn’t going to walk away with another DNF. I was ready to close the book on the marathon!

2:50:03. Not an OQT, but a new PR. Disappointing, yes. Devastating, not really. Why? Because through this experience I remembered that I am more than a runner. Running does NOT define me and the Olympic Trials doesn’t define my running. I’ve accomplished a lot in regards to running. It’s not my full time job , and I’m happy with what I’ve been able to do with it as a “hobby.” The Olympic Trials would have just been icing on the cake!

So that brings me to 2012 – When registration opened up for Chicago I registered. WHY? WHY? I don’t understand, why did I register! Because, I thought that I would face my nemesis once and for all. Sign up and actually run the stupid thing.

However, I had a rough start to the year. It was hard having had such a big goal for the trials, it was something that I had dedicated myself to for almost 2 years and then it was over.  Running local races, just didn’t seem as exciting. A little anti-climatic if you ask me. Once again, I found myself wondering if training so hard was worth it and if it was something I wanted to continue to do.  And my training didn’t seem to be going right, I was still struggling with my calf muscle and my easy runs were hard, my hard runs were impossible, my long runs seemed to last forever. And then, sure enough, by September  things started to fall back into place, my running started to “click” and I started to feel good. However, a little late given the marathon is 10/7. I decided I’d skip Chicago and start a 12 week training program for CIM.

I want to run another good marathon, and I know I’m not ready to do that this Sunday. But, then I got to thinking, maybe I should just run Chicago. Run Chicago… to break my record of Chicago DNF’s. Run Chicago…so I don’t have to say I signed up for it but didn’t run it, AGAIN. It’s not my goal marathon by any means, but I’ve decided to swallow my pride and run it as a long training run in preparation for CIM. I want to run it and finish it. This time around I don’t have a specific time to hit, my goal is to run smart, train smart and finish my long run. I’m not looking to race against the competition or looking to set a new PR. I’m just going to have a good time, to enjoy my scheduled long run with 45,000 other runners. I’m doing no more than running the marathon on Sunday strictly for fun! And, then when I get to CIM in December, that’s when I’ll be focused, put on my game face and be ready to race!